Faith, Day 5

(Sorry, this is an extremely long quote)
Faith in the having mode, is the possession of an answer for which one has no rational proof. It consists of formulations created by others, which one accepts because one submits to those others- usually a bureaucracy. It is the entry ticket to join a large group of people. It relieves one of the hard task of thinking for oneself and making decisions. Faith, in the having mode is a crutch for those who want to be certain, those who want an answer to life without daring to search for it themselves. [In the being mode my faith] is certainty of a truth that cannot be proven by rationally compelling evidence, yet truth I am certain of because of my experiential, subjective evidence.
-Erich Fromm

I am in the process of reading a book about faith (Rarely ever do I read Christian material; I tend to be too judgmental. I pick apart everything the author says and then I get frustrated with myself). The book was a gift. I felt sort of felt obligated to read it. But I will whole heartedly admit that I’ve always struggled with faith in certain areas. Having absolute assurance in the actualization of a thing you’re hoping for… man that’s a tough one. I mean what if God isn’t on your side? That’s pretty much where I’ve been for the past several years. Realizing His immensity and knowing that, scripturally, His ways aren’t my ways and His plans aren’t my plans, I’m never really sure how to have absolute assurance for anything. What a concept.

God is the King of Kings. I am a servant, or desire to be the servant of the King (this entire blog is going to sound CRAZY to anyone who doesn’t understand relationship with God, sorry). As a servant I find if very difficult to stand before my King and make requests. However I just found out that I’ve been missing something huge. I’ve never had a problem relating to Jesus as a friend. He is the best friend anyone can ever have. This I know. However, God, as a Father, MY FATHER… well I have to admit, that, I’ve been missing. I know God is Father God. In my head it makes sense. I call Him that. Well, I think I may have just stepped before God for the first time ever as my Father. Wow!

Doesn’t it make sense that a dad who desires the absolute best for his children, to go beyond that even, a dad who supports his children in making their own decisions, even though he desires the very best for them, is going to pretty much listen and most often help them out when they ask something of him? That makes sense right? According to the Bible, that’s the kind of dad God is. I think this is the key to the faith I’ve been missing.

When I step before my King, as a servant, making a request, I pretty much just hope that He’ll listen. There’s no faith there. I don’t believe He’s going to do anything beyond hear me and then He gets to decide. This is what I’ve always done. When I step before my Heavenly Father, as a daughter, making a request, I know that He loves me and supports my decisions. Then faith steps in. I believe He is going to move according to my hearts desire. (the key really is submitting your heart to Him so that the desire He is granting is also His perfect plan for you (remember He said that He has given us the choice to decide between blessing and cursing, life and death, but that He desires we choose life)) My mind is blown away by this; talk about change, freedom, and life.

Those who know Your name will put their trust in You; for You LORD have not forsaken those who seek You. Ps. 9:10

God/ Love is not a thing one can have, Day 4

'You shall not make idols for yourselves; neither a carved image nor a sacred pillar shall you rear up for yourselves; nor shall you set up an engraved stone in your land, to bow down to it; for I am the LORD your God. Lev. 26:1

This morning while reading “A Little History of the World (E.H. Gombrich)” my interest was sparked by his mentioning that “there was something special about this one [small tribe/ Abraham’s descendants]… and this something special was their religion… these herdsmen only prayed to one god.” Apart from the nonconformist Egyptian Pharaoh Akhenaton this one god concept was kind of crazy back then. The thing that caught my attention further was when Gombrich mentioned how unlike every other temple built at the time, if you were to enter the Jewish temple you wouldn’t find any images anywhere of their god.

It seems to me that an image in a temple or an idol in someone’s possession presents an opportunity to “have” one’s god. The god becomes something you are able to handle, possess, own; it can belong to you. I think the one God, the imageless God, the creator and ruler of all things was making it quite clear when He established His no images rule that He can not be possessed. I don’t think God is something you can have.

Despite this I think people today are still trying to own or to have God. It seems that people, especially through religion which very clearly defines who God is and what you’re to do about that, are able to obtain a sense of “having” God. The religion essentially requires Him to perform according to the expectations it defines, thus one is able to “have” God (at least they can feel this is so).

I like that we were instructed to make no images of Him. I like that He isn’t obtainable, have-able, that God is not a thing to be possessed. I love that He’s bigger than anything I could ever own. Also, that I am His, not that He is mine, I love that too. The very thought of experiencing relationship with this ginormous God overwhelms me, this, only made possible by the grace extended to us by Jesus. And it’s an ongoing, increasing, developing, continuous process filled with life that I’ve been privileged to partake of. The perennial experience is delightful and although God never changes, relationship with Him is continually new. Religion, allowing it’s follower to “have” God seems stagnant. I can not see how it promotes any growth or increase or life in the one observing the religion. God is overflowing with life.

Love is not a thing one can have, but a process, an inner activity that one is the subject of. I can love, I can be in love, but in loving, I have… nothing. In fact, the less I have, the more I can love. Erich Fromm (I’m afraid I might reuse this quote many times this year)

I am Loved by God, Day 3

Because the society we live in is devoted to acquiring property and making a profit, we rarely see any evidence of the being mode of existence and most people see the having mode as the most natural way of life.
-Erich Fromm

I am an extremist (in my mind at least). I spend the majority of my day planning ways to drastically alter my life, myself, and the world I live in. It’s almost as if I need to have a grand dream to feel that I’m worthwhile. Rarely do I relax, always busy in my mind, imagining change, increase, and future events. I’m always thinking of ways to acquire the things I feel I need. I desire to drawn more near to the God I serve, to know more of Him and to be the person He created me to be. However I am really good at stepping away from God in order to accomplish His works all on my own. It’s almost as if I’m trying to acquire or earn God’s gifts and blessings in my life, like they’re more desirable to me when I’m working for them, as opposed to Him just blessing me.

Today I chose to delight in God’s love for me. I took time out this morning to thank Him for loving me and to reflect on that unconditional incomprehensible love. Scripture says that God has given us the choice between life and death, but that He desires we choose life, He desires only good for us, and it is His will that none should choose death. Basically, no matter what I do, or where I go, or what choices I make God still desires the absolute best for me and loves me unconditionally (kind of like a mom).

So today before I started dreaming, imagining increase, and growth, and all the many things I might accomplish, tackle and acquire in life I thanked God for His love and that I need NOTHING more than that. Because I know that He loves me, because I know that He will always take care of me, I know that all of my NEEDS (in terms of what I require to survive) will always be taken care of by my Father God. Apart from that I NEED nothing other than His love. I don’t need to accomplish any grand feats to be me. I don’t need to search out and discover the perfect path to trod down. I don’t need anything but His love for me (and that will never cease). Simple moments like the one I experienced this morning sitting in His light, complete, wrapped in His love are the moments that define me, not anything I’ve learned, realized, acquired or hope to accomplish, but simply that I am loved by God. I am ok with that being who I am. I am loved by God (and so are you).

I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing, therefore choose life… Duet. 30:19

Taking a Look at Poverty, Day 2

Consuming has ambiguous qualities: It relieves anxiety, because what one has cannot be taken away; but it also requires one to consume even more, because previous consumption soon loses its satisfactory character. The attitude inherent in consumerism is that of swallowing the whole world. Erich Fromm

I believe in The Christian God and in the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. I also believe that the Bible is the written word of God himself. These firm beliefs of mine definitely classify me as Christian. I also believe that followers of Christ (if not mankind in general) have a responsibility to Love everyone even people we’ll never in our lifetimes meet or see. Love however is an act of selflessness, giving the absolute best of what the human soul has to offer to the recipient. I imagine that if everyone operated out of love then wouldn't everyone continually be blessed? There would be no need because everyone would be meeting the needs of everyone else, ideally.

This grand country I reside in makes claims to being a Christian country (this offends many of its residents but none the less this is the case). I feel that it takes only a brief glance into our society to refute this claim. This is a country of luxury. But luxury is a lie that grows only at the expense of life. As long as we never see the destruction masked by its false beauty and our own selfish ignorance we shall continue to eat at its table and crave its delicacies. And while the grand American dream is to live each day more luxuriously than the last, we don’t find gratification in our consumption but rather crave more and forget the past moments of delight. Is there a finish line to the rat race? Is there really a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? I don’t know if luxury and love can coexist.

What I’ve begun to open my eyes to as of late is that with every THING I consume, purchase, procure, there was life exerted at the beginning end of that THING. Unfortunately, the vast majority of the time, the life poured into my THING of fleeting momentary pleasure is a life comprised of suffering, need, destitution, and pain. I believe that my consumption of the THING is consumption of that life. The Bible says numerous times in numerous ways not only that we should love, but that we shouldn’t rob the poor. I think our penny pinching and overall greediness our radical egotism and hedonism (this is just the American way) is robbing the poor blind. What disturbs me the most when looking at this dirty picture is that most Christians don’t see it that way. I however cannot figure any other way of looking at it and as freakish as this viewpoint makes me I don’t want to steal from the poor any longer.

I desire to change. I need to change and at the same time I don't want to get wrapped up in my own sort of law and forget grace. I don't want to be this facist person declaring my truth to the world and trying to make them all believe it but I need to be me. I certianly do not wish to pass judgement on ANYONE for the way in which they choose to live their lives but I want to live mine the way I believe is right. I have this continual inward battle between existing in the society I belong to and walking down the path I see as true.

It amazes me how much more beautiful and also how horrendously ugly this world looks when your eyes begin to open.

Whoever shuts his ears to the cry of the poor will also cry himself and not be heard. Whoever oppresses the poor to increase his own wealth, or gives to the rich, will only come to poverty. Whoever oppresses a poor man insults his Maker, but he who is generous to the needy honors him. Blessed is he who considers the poor; The LORD will deliver him in time of trouble.

(Prov. 21:13, 22:16, 14:31 and Ps. 41:1)

Who's Actually Happy? Day 1

We are a society of notoriously unhappy people- lonely, anxious, depressed, destructive, dependent- people who are glad when we have killed the time we are trying to save. Erich Fromm

Today I wonder is a utilitarian economy achievable? At present it seems that our weak and crumbling economy is designed and functioning to serve no one and nothing but itself. Those at the top aren't happy. They've every imaginable pleasure in the palm of their hands, but honestly does anyone believe they’re actually happy. The middle men, the middle class, strive and toil and dream the American dream of embracing and climbing the economic ladder. If you work hard enough and preserver long enough you too can obtain the pleasures of the world and not be happy. And then we reach the bottom to discover the faceless dark skinned peasants who work ceaselessly crafting the economic goods fueling the system, cheap enough for the rich to prosper off of them, and affordable enough for us, that we might believe we’re living luxuriously. This system seems to be benefiting no one. Who’s actually happy? We've all the goods we can imagine filling our stores (mostly all enormous now as the little ones are on the brink of extinction, a necessity for economic growth), filling our homes, and overtaking our landfills. Our lives seem to possess a greater void than ever before and yet at present saving our precious economy seems to be the issue at the very top of the Bill. And so I wonder is a utilitarian economy achievable or are we all doomed to live pointless materialistic lives never really realizing fulfillment, forever stepping on the little guy, while increasingly destroying the world we call home? What are we fighting to save but destruction itself?

The young man said to Him… what do I still lack? Jesus said to him, "If you wish to be complete, go {and} sell your possessions and give to {the} poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me." Matt 19:20-21

The Doors of Change, Introduction to 365 days

For the vast majority of my life I have been terrified of and I have despised change. I always knew a beautiful sense of safety and security in my little world, a world that I controlled. There was wonderful comfort in MY truth, forever supreme and perfect. Change would swing open a door to the unknown and I’d stand trembling before the unfamiliar vastness that I was totally unequipped to conquer. This revelation would expose my littleness and an encompassing humility would push me to force the door shut in anger at the audacity that something new should try and venture into my world.

In the past few years the strength of my curiosity has begun to surpass that of my pride. Literally one day I decided that I wanted to read, an activity I’d always been forced to partake of and always (since middle school) hated. The books began to open doors all around me and rather than force them closed with anger I stood at the stoops in awe.

Only now in the wake of my 30th year on this planet have I begun to realize that I do not have all the answers and there does not exist a world which I can control. The more I’ve begun to learn and to explore, the more I’ve realized I do not know and that growth can only occur accompanied by change. Rather than evoking an all encompassing fear and frustration the humility I’ve embraced along this new path of exploration has brought me face to face with a sense of freedom and joy.

I’ve realized that the world I exist within and the God who created it is far greater than my capacity. I am unable to know all the answers, learn all the answers, or retain all the answers. There is just too much to acquire and seek out and realize, far too much. I think people have different perspectives and different beliefs and different ideas and can hardly agree on anything because, I believe, no one person has the ability to know it all. There is a grand freedom once a person realizes their humanity. This realization of my smallness has helped me, if only a tiny bit, to not judge others quite as quickly. I don’t know and thus I certainly can not expect that you do, or do not. I can only explore and experience and keep walking through the doors that open before me. It’s an adventure and I am loving it.

In my quest to live and to grow and to be, I’ve dined upon two pieces of literature that have brought more illumination and fire to my being than any others I’ve yet to know. The doors that their pages have swung open reveal life (when life is so often neglected, forgotten, and difficult to find). This year I shall daily venture through these books in hopes of change, humility, freedom, and growth. This is my tiny attempt to share my adventure with you.

Should we kill the tree or move the mountain?

This VERY long Blog is in responce to Kevin's very appropriate note about Focus on the Family, and how they're not very focused on the point at present.


In chapter 9 of Ezra, Ezra had retuned to Jerusalem from the land of captivity to find that the Priests of Israel (I’m using this as a parallel to the Christian church of America (which I feel is pretty appropriate)) had not separated themselves from the peoples of the lands, with respect to the abominations of the lands.
This is Ezra speaking (Ezra 9:3-6) So when I heard this thing, I tore my garment and my robe, and plucked out some of the hair of my head and beard, and sat down astonished. Then everyone who trembled at the words of the God of Israel assembled to me, because of the transgression of those who had been carried away captive, and I sat astonished until the evening sacrifice. At the evening sacrifice I arose from my fasting; and having torn my garment and my robe, I fell on my knees and spread out my hands to the LORD my God. And I said: "O my God, I am too ashamed and humiliated to lift up my face to You, my God; for our iniquities have risen higher than our heads, and our guilt has grown up to the heavens.

Note that in this scripture Ezra, who hadn’t sinned with respect to the abominations of the lands, declares to God, “I AM ASHAMED… for OUR iniquities… and OUR guilt.” He is owning the sin of his people even though he hadn’t sinned. I am humbled in witnessing that instead of being filled with righteous indignation Ezra is filled with shame and guilt.

This takes me to Ezekiel 22:29-31 and God said, “The people of the land have used oppressions, committed robbery, and mistreated the poor and needy; and they wrongfully oppress the stranger. (is this not what the Christian church has been doing in the religiosity that they’ve embraced, forgetting to love, forgetting Jesus, forgetting the point, and rather worshiping the religion?) So I sought for a man among them who would make a wall, and stand in the gap before Me on behalf of the land, that I should not destroy it; but I found no one. Therefore I have poured out My indignation on them; I have consumed them with the fire of My wrath; and I have recompensed their deeds on their own heads," says the Lord GOD.”

In chapter 10 of Ezra there is a word that still slightly evades me but I am intrigued by it and I believe it is the answer to all of the questioning we have when faced with such atrocities as we are today. As Kevin said “its hard to know what to do with these types of people” Ezra 10:1 Now when Ezra had prayed, and when he had confessed, weeping and casting himself down before the house of God, there assembled unto him out of Israel a very great congregation of men and women and children: for the people wept very sore.

Ezra prayed and confessed (I believe that Ezra stood in the gap for the Priests of Israel, just as God had been searching for someone to do in Ezekiel) The word translated into English is “Pray (prayed),” but in Hebrew it is the word “Palal,” which means to judge or make a judgment.

Ezra judged and then confessed. Ezra himself brought the sins of the people before God. He had to see the truth, he had to first make judgment, declare TRUTH which in this case was the absolute presence of sin, and then he made confession of that sin before God, and he wept and cast himself down before God, showing humility and repentance for the sins committed. Ezra stood in the gap.

One of the last things that Jesus said to his disciples before he ascended was this:
John 20:21-23 So Jesus said to them again, "Peace to you! As the Father has sent Me, I also send you." And when He had said this, He breathed on them, and said to them, "Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained."

I never realized the magnitude of what Jesus was saying here until this word, Palal, was made known to me. I mean what had the Father sent Him to do? Was it not to Love and to bring Forgiveness, to make atonement, to cover the sins, to tear down the veil and bring communion with the Father back to restoration. Is this not what He was asking of us here? Sin is a veil that blinds the trespasser from truth and light, it creates a gap between the child and the Father. But Jesus so clearly said that if you forgive the sins of any they are forgiven them and if you retain them they are retained. He is calling us to do what Ezra did, to stand in the gap, to tear down the veil, and to forgive (not to judge and condemn (or retain), but to judge and remit).

This is mainly my point. We can get mad, look at the sin and become furious and repulsed, separate ourselves from it and fear the righteous wrath of God that will ensue; or we can choose to live as Jesus lived, loving AND standing in the gap for those who are being veiled from the truth.

I’ll take it just a little further. It is recorded in several different books of how Jesus withered a fig tree. For over 20 years of my life this bothered me and I could not see a point for His having done that. I mean it clearly states that it wasn’t even the season for figs, the tree should not have even been baring fruit at that time, yet Jesus killed it for having no fruit.

Immediately after this, one of the most popular verses in scripture occurs, “So Jesus answered and said to them, "Have faith in God. Assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what was done to the fig tree, but also if you say to this mountain, 'Be removed and be cast into the sea,' it will be done. And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive."
Then Jesus says, directly after this, "And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.

I believe that these three different very popular scriptures all following each other (the fig tree, the mountain verse, and then the forgiving anyone their trespasses) are all completely related! I believe that Jesus judged the fig tree and spoke truth over it. The truth was that it bore no fruit (even though it wasn’t the season for fruit). This judgment withered the tree and I completely and totally believe that we’ve been given this EXACT same authority to wither fruitless trees by simply judging them.

BUT Jesus directly after this said that we can move mountains into the sea. To me, in my opinion if a mountain needs to be moved into the sea, either the mountain is an obstacle (like something causing someone to bear no fruit) or the sea is an obstacle (like a gap separating someone from their Father). So what’s it gonna be, are you gonna have faith to wither trees, or are you gonna have faith to move obstacles (and maybe cause a little fruit to grow)???

And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him!


I guess what I’m trying desperately to embrace is that even though THE CHURCH looks very corrupt at times, and even though a lot of their principles can make your stomach churn, and even though they are doing a pretty good job of keeping people from entering the kingdom, well we are apart of it. And if we see sin encompassing God’s house, the people who’ve been given the eyes to see that sin should step up against it and seek God for forgiveness and restoration and a tearing of the veil. We probably shouldn’t just call it what it is and watch it wither because Jesus has given us the keys to move the mountain.

I say this, but I am always the first to speak death to the tree. I am trying to change. I am trying to embrace the flip side and believe for the mountain to be moved. I am certain that this is what Jesus is asking of us. I really don’t think he wanted the tree to die, I think he was showing us what we can chose to do.