The Doors of Change, Introduction to 365 days

For the vast majority of my life I have been terrified of and I have despised change. I always knew a beautiful sense of safety and security in my little world, a world that I controlled. There was wonderful comfort in MY truth, forever supreme and perfect. Change would swing open a door to the unknown and I’d stand trembling before the unfamiliar vastness that I was totally unequipped to conquer. This revelation would expose my littleness and an encompassing humility would push me to force the door shut in anger at the audacity that something new should try and venture into my world.

In the past few years the strength of my curiosity has begun to surpass that of my pride. Literally one day I decided that I wanted to read, an activity I’d always been forced to partake of and always (since middle school) hated. The books began to open doors all around me and rather than force them closed with anger I stood at the stoops in awe.

Only now in the wake of my 30th year on this planet have I begun to realize that I do not have all the answers and there does not exist a world which I can control. The more I’ve begun to learn and to explore, the more I’ve realized I do not know and that growth can only occur accompanied by change. Rather than evoking an all encompassing fear and frustration the humility I’ve embraced along this new path of exploration has brought me face to face with a sense of freedom and joy.

I’ve realized that the world I exist within and the God who created it is far greater than my capacity. I am unable to know all the answers, learn all the answers, or retain all the answers. There is just too much to acquire and seek out and realize, far too much. I think people have different perspectives and different beliefs and different ideas and can hardly agree on anything because, I believe, no one person has the ability to know it all. There is a grand freedom once a person realizes their humanity. This realization of my smallness has helped me, if only a tiny bit, to not judge others quite as quickly. I don’t know and thus I certainly can not expect that you do, or do not. I can only explore and experience and keep walking through the doors that open before me. It’s an adventure and I am loving it.

In my quest to live and to grow and to be, I’ve dined upon two pieces of literature that have brought more illumination and fire to my being than any others I’ve yet to know. The doors that their pages have swung open reveal life (when life is so often neglected, forgotten, and difficult to find). This year I shall daily venture through these books in hopes of change, humility, freedom, and growth. This is my tiny attempt to share my adventure with you.