purpose? Day 332

If you've read any of these most recent blogs you've quickly realized that I've been on this strong inward self examination kick as of late. So much of what we know, including ourselves is so masked. It's sort of like living in the matrix. You can just accept everything you know as real and true and live your fake life (spoon fed to you through programing) in a daze void of truth and any hint of reality or you can get messy, get out of the matrix, discover truth and fight till your dying day to stand up for what is right. Maybe what you know is right is never again purchasing child labor, slave labor manufactured clothing. Maybe what you know to be true is the real individual inside of you that no ones ever seen, the one who's strong and passionate about things but who's been trapped for decades by the fearful, jaded, guarded you. Maybe what you know to be right is that life isn't about success, progress (materially speaking) but it is in fact about life, living, breathing, heart beating creatures. It's really up to you.

So this overwhelming emotional cloud of unknowing, maybe a cloud of doubt has been hovering over me. The question raining down from it's presence is one of destiny/ purpose. What's the point? I'm guessing that the clouds main purpose is to keep me from getting out of the matrix but none the less it's there. I can give the cookie cutter Christian answer to that question and I honestly believe it to be true. The point is to fall more in love with God, draw nearer to Him, hear Him more clearly; the purpose is to live for Him.

Most people's purpose is directed towards something more tangible. In our youth it seems as though we're existing for the sole purpose of becoming ourselves but I've witnessed thus far that the reigning definition of  "becoming ourselves" is actually becoming as much like all the other selves as we possibly can without ripping our own faces off (and people are doing that nowadays). Once we've officially blended into society (as much as we're capable of) and honestly look at the youth who are trying so adamantly to escape societies clutches, you can't tell one from another. None of them look like individuals but rather they ALL resemble a new society. Sorry I had to add that.

So, again, once we've officially blended into society the point of it all becomes one simple (and seemingly impossible task): find someone. Once the someone has been found the purpose becomes possibly more complicated then it's ever been. The purpose could now be keeping that someone. It could be transforming that someone. It could be further still transforming oneself to become more appealing to that someone. And possibly, just maybe it could actually be really truly and honestly loving that someone. Or all of the above and more.

And then as all living creators are known to do the two someones having finally become something together bring life into the world. This is the point at which all of my peers stand. Everyone I know has so much purpose attached to their lives at present through the loving and raising of their children. I could think of nothing more wonderful right now then to be in a similar situation (of which I'm not... interjected just in case someone I don't know EVER reads this rambling). The raising of children gives purpose to people for decades and for some individuals it lasts the rest of their lives. I think the mid life crisis is the point in which ones children are suddenly no longer ones purpose and life loses meaning and becomes void and unbearable and confusing.

I should just stop now. This is long and I never intended to write any of it and my entire point of this blog might be lost if I make it any longer than it now is.