(Sorry, this is an extremely long quote)
Faith in the having mode, is the possession of an answer for which one has no rational proof. It consists of formulations created by others, which one accepts because one submits to those others- usually a bureaucracy. It is the entry ticket to join a large group of people. It relieves one of the hard task of thinking for oneself and making decisions. Faith, in the having mode is a crutch for those who want to be certain, those who want an answer to life without daring to search for it themselves. [In the being mode my faith] is certainty of a truth that cannot be proven by rationally compelling evidence, yet truth I am certain of because of my experiential, subjective evidence.
-Erich Fromm
I am in the process of reading a book about faith (Rarely ever do I read Christian material; I tend to be too judgmental. I pick apart everything the author says and then I get frustrated with myself). The book was a gift. I felt sort of felt obligated to read it. But I will whole heartedly admit that I’ve always struggled with faith in certain areas. Having absolute assurance in the actualization of a thing you’re hoping for… man that’s a tough one. I mean what if God isn’t on your side? That’s pretty much where I’ve been for the past several years. Realizing His immensity and knowing that, scripturally, His ways aren’t my ways and His plans aren’t my plans, I’m never really sure how to have absolute assurance for anything. What a concept.
God is the King of Kings. I am a servant, or desire to be the servant of the King (this entire blog is going to sound CRAZY to anyone who doesn’t understand relationship with God, sorry). As a servant I find if very difficult to stand before my King and make requests. However I just found out that I’ve been missing something huge. I’ve never had a problem relating to Jesus as a friend. He is the best friend anyone can ever have. This I know. However, God, as a Father, MY FATHER… well I have to admit, that, I’ve been missing. I know God is Father God. In my head it makes sense. I call Him that. Well, I think I may have just stepped before God for the first time ever as my Father. Wow!
Doesn’t it make sense that a dad who desires the absolute best for his children, to go beyond that even, a dad who supports his children in making their own decisions, even though he desires the very best for them, is going to pretty much listen and most often help them out when they ask something of him? That makes sense right? According to the Bible, that’s the kind of dad God is. I think this is the key to the faith I’ve been missing.
When I step before my King, as a servant, making a request, I pretty much just hope that He’ll listen. There’s no faith there. I don’t believe He’s going to do anything beyond hear me and then He gets to decide. This is what I’ve always done. When I step before my Heavenly Father, as a daughter, making a request, I know that He loves me and supports my decisions. Then faith steps in. I believe He is going to move according to my hearts desire. (the key really is submitting your heart to Him so that the desire He is granting is also His perfect plan for you (remember He said that He has given us the choice to decide between blessing and cursing, life and death, but that He desires we choose life)) My mind is blown away by this; talk about change, freedom, and life.
Those who know Your name will put their trust in You; for You LORD have not forsaken those who seek You. Ps. 9:10
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
God/ Love is not a thing one can have, Day 4
'You shall not make idols for yourselves; neither a carved image nor a sacred pillar shall you rear up for yourselves; nor shall you set up an engraved stone in your land, to bow down to it; for I am the LORD your God. Lev. 26:1
This morning while reading “A Little History of the World (E.H. Gombrich)” my interest was sparked by his mentioning that “there was something special about this one [small tribe/ Abraham’s descendants]… and this something special was their religion… these herdsmen only prayed to one god.” Apart from the nonconformist Egyptian Pharaoh Akhenaton this one god concept was kind of crazy back then. The thing that caught my attention further was when Gombrich mentioned how unlike every other temple built at the time, if you were to enter the Jewish temple you wouldn’t find any images anywhere of their god.
It seems to me that an image in a temple or an idol in someone’s possession presents an opportunity to “have” one’s god. The god becomes something you are able to handle, possess, own; it can belong to you. I think the one God, the imageless God, the creator and ruler of all things was making it quite clear when He established His no images rule that He can not be possessed. I don’t think God is something you can have.
Despite this I think people today are still trying to own or to have God. It seems that people, especially through religion which very clearly defines who God is and what you’re to do about that, are able to obtain a sense of “having” God. The religion essentially requires Him to perform according to the expectations it defines, thus one is able to “have” God (at least they can feel this is so).
I like that we were instructed to make no images of Him. I like that He isn’t obtainable, have-able, that God is not a thing to be possessed. I love that He’s bigger than anything I could ever own. Also, that I am His, not that He is mine, I love that too. The very thought of experiencing relationship with this ginormous God overwhelms me, this, only made possible by the grace extended to us by Jesus. And it’s an ongoing, increasing, developing, continuous process filled with life that I’ve been privileged to partake of. The perennial experience is delightful and although God never changes, relationship with Him is continually new. Religion, allowing it’s follower to “have” God seems stagnant. I can not see how it promotes any growth or increase or life in the one observing the religion. God is overflowing with life.
Love is not a thing one can have, but a process, an inner activity that one is the subject of. I can love, I can be in love, but in loving, I have… nothing. In fact, the less I have, the more I can love. Erich Fromm (I’m afraid I might reuse this quote many times this year)
This morning while reading “A Little History of the World (E.H. Gombrich)” my interest was sparked by his mentioning that “there was something special about this one [small tribe/ Abraham’s descendants]… and this something special was their religion… these herdsmen only prayed to one god.” Apart from the nonconformist Egyptian Pharaoh Akhenaton this one god concept was kind of crazy back then. The thing that caught my attention further was when Gombrich mentioned how unlike every other temple built at the time, if you were to enter the Jewish temple you wouldn’t find any images anywhere of their god.
It seems to me that an image in a temple or an idol in someone’s possession presents an opportunity to “have” one’s god. The god becomes something you are able to handle, possess, own; it can belong to you. I think the one God, the imageless God, the creator and ruler of all things was making it quite clear when He established His no images rule that He can not be possessed. I don’t think God is something you can have.
Despite this I think people today are still trying to own or to have God. It seems that people, especially through religion which very clearly defines who God is and what you’re to do about that, are able to obtain a sense of “having” God. The religion essentially requires Him to perform according to the expectations it defines, thus one is able to “have” God (at least they can feel this is so).
I like that we were instructed to make no images of Him. I like that He isn’t obtainable, have-able, that God is not a thing to be possessed. I love that He’s bigger than anything I could ever own. Also, that I am His, not that He is mine, I love that too. The very thought of experiencing relationship with this ginormous God overwhelms me, this, only made possible by the grace extended to us by Jesus. And it’s an ongoing, increasing, developing, continuous process filled with life that I’ve been privileged to partake of. The perennial experience is delightful and although God never changes, relationship with Him is continually new. Religion, allowing it’s follower to “have” God seems stagnant. I can not see how it promotes any growth or increase or life in the one observing the religion. God is overflowing with life.
Love is not a thing one can have, but a process, an inner activity that one is the subject of. I can love, I can be in love, but in loving, I have… nothing. In fact, the less I have, the more I can love. Erich Fromm (I’m afraid I might reuse this quote many times this year)
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
I am Loved by God, Day 3
Because the society we live in is devoted to acquiring property and making a profit, we rarely see any evidence of the being mode of existence and most people see the having mode as the most natural way of life.I am an extremist (in my mind at least). I spend the majority of my day planning ways to drastically alter my life, myself, and the world I live in. It’s almost as if I need to have a grand dream to feel that I’m worthwhile. Rarely do I relax, always busy in my mind, imagining change, increase, and future events. I’m always thinking of ways to acquire the things I feel I need. I desire to drawn more near to the God I serve, to know more of Him and to be the person He created me to be. However I am really good at stepping away from God in order to accomplish His works all on my own. It’s almost as if I’m trying to acquire or earn God’s gifts and blessings in my life, like they’re more desirable to me when I’m working for them, as opposed to Him just blessing me.
-Erich Fromm
Today I chose to delight in God’s love for me. I took time out this morning to thank Him for loving me and to reflect on that unconditional incomprehensible love. Scripture says that God has given us the choice between life and death, but that He desires we choose life, He desires only good for us, and it is His will that none should choose death. Basically, no matter what I do, or where I go, or what choices I make God still desires the absolute best for me and loves me unconditionally (kind of like a mom).
So today before I started dreaming, imagining increase, and growth, and all the many things I might accomplish, tackle and acquire in life I thanked God for His love and that I need NOTHING more than that. Because I know that He loves me, because I know that He will always take care of me, I know that all of my NEEDS (in terms of what I require to survive) will always be taken care of by my Father God. Apart from that I NEED nothing other than His love. I don’t need to accomplish any grand feats to be me. I don’t need to search out and discover the perfect path to trod down. I don’t need anything but His love for me (and that will never cease). Simple moments like the one I experienced this morning sitting in His light, complete, wrapped in His love are the moments that define me, not anything I’ve learned, realized, acquired or hope to accomplish, but simply that I am loved by God. I am ok with that being who I am. I am loved by God (and so are you).
I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing, therefore choose life… Duet. 30:19
Monday, December 28, 2009
Taking a Look at Poverty, Day 2
Consuming has ambiguous qualities: It relieves anxiety, because what one has cannot be taken away; but it also requires one to consume even more, because previous consumption soon loses its satisfactory character. The attitude inherent in consumerism is that of swallowing the whole world. Erich FrommI believe in The Christian God and in the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. I also believe that the Bible is the written word of God himself. These firm beliefs of mine definitely classify me as Christian. I also believe that followers of Christ (if not mankind in general) have a responsibility to Love everyone even people we’ll never in our lifetimes meet or see. Love however is an act of selflessness, giving the absolute best of what the human soul has to offer to the recipient. I imagine that if everyone operated out of love then wouldn't everyone continually be blessed? There would be no need because everyone would be meeting the needs of everyone else, ideally.
This grand country I reside in makes claims to being a Christian country (this offends many of its residents but none the less this is the case). I feel that it takes only a brief glance into our society to refute this claim. This is a country of luxury. But luxury is a lie that grows only at the expense of life. As long as we never see the destruction masked by its false beauty and our own selfish ignorance we shall continue to eat at its table and crave its delicacies. And while the grand American dream is to live each day more luxuriously than the last, we don’t find gratification in our consumption but rather crave more and forget the past moments of delight. Is there a finish line to the rat race? Is there really a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? I don’t know if luxury and love can coexist.
What I’ve begun to open my eyes to as of late is that with every THING I consume, purchase, procure, there was life exerted at the beginning end of that THING. Unfortunately, the vast majority of the time, the life poured into my THING of fleeting momentary pleasure is a life comprised of suffering, need, destitution, and pain. I believe that my consumption of the THING is consumption of that life. The Bible says numerous times in numerous ways not only that we should love, but that we shouldn’t rob the poor. I think our penny pinching and overall greediness our radical egotism and hedonism (this is just the American way) is robbing the poor blind. What disturbs me the most when looking at this dirty picture is that most Christians don’t see it that way. I however cannot figure any other way of looking at it and as freakish as this viewpoint makes me I don’t want to steal from the poor any longer.
I desire to change. I need to change and at the same time I don't want to get wrapped up in my own sort of law and forget grace. I don't want to be this facist person declaring my truth to the world and trying to make them all believe it but I need to be me. I certianly do not wish to pass judgement on ANYONE for the way in which they choose to live their lives but I want to live mine the way I believe is right. I have this continual inward battle between existing in the society I belong to and walking down the path I see as true.
It amazes me how much more beautiful and also how horrendously ugly this world looks when your eyes begin to open.
Whoever shuts his ears to the cry of the poor will also cry himself and not be heard. Whoever oppresses the poor to increase his own wealth, or gives to the rich, will only come to poverty. Whoever oppresses a poor man insults his Maker, but he who is generous to the needy honors him. Blessed is he who considers the poor; The LORD will deliver him in time of trouble.
(Prov. 21:13, 22:16, 14:31 and Ps. 41:1)
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Who's Actually Happy? Day 1
We are a society of notoriously unhappy people- lonely, anxious, depressed, destructive, dependent- people who are glad when we have killed the time we are trying to save. Erich FrommToday I wonder is a utilitarian economy achievable? At present it seems that our weak and crumbling economy is designed and functioning to serve no one and nothing but itself. Those at the top aren't happy. They've every imaginable pleasure in the palm of their hands, but honestly does anyone believe they’re actually happy. The middle men, the middle class, strive and toil and dream the American dream of embracing and climbing the economic ladder. If you work hard enough and preserver long enough you too can obtain the pleasures of the world and not be happy. And then we reach the bottom to discover the faceless dark skinned peasants who work ceaselessly crafting the economic goods fueling the system, cheap enough for the rich to prosper off of them, and affordable enough for us, that we might believe we’re living luxuriously. This system seems to be benefiting no one. Who’s actually happy? We've all the goods we can imagine filling our stores (mostly all enormous now as the little ones are on the brink of extinction, a necessity for economic growth), filling our homes, and overtaking our landfills. Our lives seem to possess a greater void than ever before and yet at present saving our precious economy seems to be the issue at the very top of the Bill. And so I wonder is a utilitarian economy achievable or are we all doomed to live pointless materialistic lives never really realizing fulfillment, forever stepping on the little guy, while increasingly destroying the world we call home? What are we fighting to save but destruction itself?
The young man said to Him… what do I still lack? Jesus said to him, "If you wish to be complete, go {and} sell your possessions and give to {the} poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me." Matt 19:20-21
The Doors of Change, Introduction to 365 days
For the vast majority of my life I have been terrified of and I have despised change. I always knew a beautiful sense of safety and security in my little world, a world that I controlled. There was wonderful comfort in MY truth, forever supreme and perfect. Change would swing open a door to the unknown and I’d stand trembling before the unfamiliar vastness that I was totally unequipped to conquer. This revelation would expose my littleness and an encompassing humility would push me to force the door shut in anger at the audacity that something new should try and venture into my world.
In the past few years the strength of my curiosity has begun to surpass that of my pride. Literally one day I decided that I wanted to read, an activity I’d always been forced to partake of and always (since middle school) hated. The books began to open doors all around me and rather than force them closed with anger I stood at the stoops in awe.
Only now in the wake of my 30th year on this planet have I begun to realize that I do not have all the answers and there does not exist a world which I can control. The more I’ve begun to learn and to explore, the more I’ve realized I do not know and that growth can only occur accompanied by change. Rather than evoking an all encompassing fear and frustration the humility I’ve embraced along this new path of exploration has brought me face to face with a sense of freedom and joy.
I’ve realized that the world I exist within and the God who created it is far greater than my capacity. I am unable to know all the answers, learn all the answers, or retain all the answers. There is just too much to acquire and seek out and realize, far too much. I think people have different perspectives and different beliefs and different ideas and can hardly agree on anything because, I believe, no one person has the ability to know it all. There is a grand freedom once a person realizes their humanity. This realization of my smallness has helped me, if only a tiny bit, to not judge others quite as quickly. I don’t know and thus I certainly can not expect that you do, or do not. I can only explore and experience and keep walking through the doors that open before me. It’s an adventure and I am loving it.
In my quest to live and to grow and to be, I’ve dined upon two pieces of literature that have brought more illumination and fire to my being than any others I’ve yet to know. The doors that their pages have swung open reveal life (when life is so often neglected, forgotten, and difficult to find). This year I shall daily venture through these books in hopes of change, humility, freedom, and growth. This is my tiny attempt to share my adventure with you.
In the past few years the strength of my curiosity has begun to surpass that of my pride. Literally one day I decided that I wanted to read, an activity I’d always been forced to partake of and always (since middle school) hated. The books began to open doors all around me and rather than force them closed with anger I stood at the stoops in awe.
Only now in the wake of my 30th year on this planet have I begun to realize that I do not have all the answers and there does not exist a world which I can control. The more I’ve begun to learn and to explore, the more I’ve realized I do not know and that growth can only occur accompanied by change. Rather than evoking an all encompassing fear and frustration the humility I’ve embraced along this new path of exploration has brought me face to face with a sense of freedom and joy.
I’ve realized that the world I exist within and the God who created it is far greater than my capacity. I am unable to know all the answers, learn all the answers, or retain all the answers. There is just too much to acquire and seek out and realize, far too much. I think people have different perspectives and different beliefs and different ideas and can hardly agree on anything because, I believe, no one person has the ability to know it all. There is a grand freedom once a person realizes their humanity. This realization of my smallness has helped me, if only a tiny bit, to not judge others quite as quickly. I don’t know and thus I certainly can not expect that you do, or do not. I can only explore and experience and keep walking through the doors that open before me. It’s an adventure and I am loving it.
In my quest to live and to grow and to be, I’ve dined upon two pieces of literature that have brought more illumination and fire to my being than any others I’ve yet to know. The doors that their pages have swung open reveal life (when life is so often neglected, forgotten, and difficult to find). This year I shall daily venture through these books in hopes of change, humility, freedom, and growth. This is my tiny attempt to share my adventure with you.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Should we kill the tree or move the mountain?
This VERY long Blog is in responce to Kevin's very appropriate note about Focus on the Family, and how they're not very focused on the point at present.
In chapter 9 of Ezra, Ezra had retuned to Jerusalem from the land of captivity to find that the Priests of Israel (I’m using this as a parallel to the Christian church of America (which I feel is pretty appropriate)) had not separated themselves from the peoples of the lands, with respect to the abominations of the lands.
This is Ezra speaking (Ezra 9:3-6) So when I heard this thing, I tore my garment and my robe, and plucked out some of the hair of my head and beard, and sat down astonished. Then everyone who trembled at the words of the God of Israel assembled to me, because of the transgression of those who had been carried away captive, and I sat astonished until the evening sacrifice. At the evening sacrifice I arose from my fasting; and having torn my garment and my robe, I fell on my knees and spread out my hands to the LORD my God. And I said: "O my God, I am too ashamed and humiliated to lift up my face to You, my God; for our iniquities have risen higher than our heads, and our guilt has grown up to the heavens.
Note that in this scripture Ezra, who hadn’t sinned with respect to the abominations of the lands, declares to God, “I AM ASHAMED… for OUR iniquities… and OUR guilt.” He is owning the sin of his people even though he hadn’t sinned. I am humbled in witnessing that instead of being filled with righteous indignation Ezra is filled with shame and guilt.
This takes me to Ezekiel 22:29-31 and God said, “The people of the land have used oppressions, committed robbery, and mistreated the poor and needy; and they wrongfully oppress the stranger. (is this not what the Christian church has been doing in the religiosity that they’ve embraced, forgetting to love, forgetting Jesus, forgetting the point, and rather worshiping the religion?) So I sought for a man among them who would make a wall, and stand in the gap before Me on behalf of the land, that I should not destroy it; but I found no one. Therefore I have poured out My indignation on them; I have consumed them with the fire of My wrath; and I have recompensed their deeds on their own heads," says the Lord GOD.”
In chapter 10 of Ezra there is a word that still slightly evades me but I am intrigued by it and I believe it is the answer to all of the questioning we have when faced with such atrocities as we are today. As Kevin said “its hard to know what to do with these types of people” Ezra 10:1 Now when Ezra had prayed, and when he had confessed, weeping and casting himself down before the house of God, there assembled unto him out of Israel a very great congregation of men and women and children: for the people wept very sore.
Ezra prayed and confessed (I believe that Ezra stood in the gap for the Priests of Israel, just as God had been searching for someone to do in Ezekiel) The word translated into English is “Pray (prayed),” but in Hebrew it is the word “Palal,” which means to judge or make a judgment.
Ezra judged and then confessed. Ezra himself brought the sins of the people before God. He had to see the truth, he had to first make judgment, declare TRUTH which in this case was the absolute presence of sin, and then he made confession of that sin before God, and he wept and cast himself down before God, showing humility and repentance for the sins committed. Ezra stood in the gap.
One of the last things that Jesus said to his disciples before he ascended was this:
John 20:21-23 So Jesus said to them again, "Peace to you! As the Father has sent Me, I also send you." And when He had said this, He breathed on them, and said to them, "Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained."
I never realized the magnitude of what Jesus was saying here until this word, Palal, was made known to me. I mean what had the Father sent Him to do? Was it not to Love and to bring Forgiveness, to make atonement, to cover the sins, to tear down the veil and bring communion with the Father back to restoration. Is this not what He was asking of us here? Sin is a veil that blinds the trespasser from truth and light, it creates a gap between the child and the Father. But Jesus so clearly said that if you forgive the sins of any they are forgiven them and if you retain them they are retained. He is calling us to do what Ezra did, to stand in the gap, to tear down the veil, and to forgive (not to judge and condemn (or retain), but to judge and remit).
This is mainly my point. We can get mad, look at the sin and become furious and repulsed, separate ourselves from it and fear the righteous wrath of God that will ensue; or we can choose to live as Jesus lived, loving AND standing in the gap for those who are being veiled from the truth.
I’ll take it just a little further. It is recorded in several different books of how Jesus withered a fig tree. For over 20 years of my life this bothered me and I could not see a point for His having done that. I mean it clearly states that it wasn’t even the season for figs, the tree should not have even been baring fruit at that time, yet Jesus killed it for having no fruit.
Immediately after this, one of the most popular verses in scripture occurs, “So Jesus answered and said to them, "Have faith in God. Assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what was done to the fig tree, but also if you say to this mountain, 'Be removed and be cast into the sea,' it will be done. And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive."
Then Jesus says, directly after this, "And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.
I believe that these three different very popular scriptures all following each other (the fig tree, the mountain verse, and then the forgiving anyone their trespasses) are all completely related! I believe that Jesus judged the fig tree and spoke truth over it. The truth was that it bore no fruit (even though it wasn’t the season for fruit). This judgment withered the tree and I completely and totally believe that we’ve been given this EXACT same authority to wither fruitless trees by simply judging them.
BUT Jesus directly after this said that we can move mountains into the sea. To me, in my opinion if a mountain needs to be moved into the sea, either the mountain is an obstacle (like something causing someone to bear no fruit) or the sea is an obstacle (like a gap separating someone from their Father). So what’s it gonna be, are you gonna have faith to wither trees, or are you gonna have faith to move obstacles (and maybe cause a little fruit to grow)???
And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him!
I guess what I’m trying desperately to embrace is that even though THE CHURCH looks very corrupt at times, and even though a lot of their principles can make your stomach churn, and even though they are doing a pretty good job of keeping people from entering the kingdom, well we are apart of it. And if we see sin encompassing God’s house, the people who’ve been given the eyes to see that sin should step up against it and seek God for forgiveness and restoration and a tearing of the veil. We probably shouldn’t just call it what it is and watch it wither because Jesus has given us the keys to move the mountain.
I say this, but I am always the first to speak death to the tree. I am trying to change. I am trying to embrace the flip side and believe for the mountain to be moved. I am certain that this is what Jesus is asking of us. I really don’t think he wanted the tree to die, I think he was showing us what we can chose to do.
In chapter 9 of Ezra, Ezra had retuned to Jerusalem from the land of captivity to find that the Priests of Israel (I’m using this as a parallel to the Christian church of America (which I feel is pretty appropriate)) had not separated themselves from the peoples of the lands, with respect to the abominations of the lands.
This is Ezra speaking (Ezra 9:3-6) So when I heard this thing, I tore my garment and my robe, and plucked out some of the hair of my head and beard, and sat down astonished. Then everyone who trembled at the words of the God of Israel assembled to me, because of the transgression of those who had been carried away captive, and I sat astonished until the evening sacrifice. At the evening sacrifice I arose from my fasting; and having torn my garment and my robe, I fell on my knees and spread out my hands to the LORD my God. And I said: "O my God, I am too ashamed and humiliated to lift up my face to You, my God; for our iniquities have risen higher than our heads, and our guilt has grown up to the heavens.
Note that in this scripture Ezra, who hadn’t sinned with respect to the abominations of the lands, declares to God, “I AM ASHAMED… for OUR iniquities… and OUR guilt.” He is owning the sin of his people even though he hadn’t sinned. I am humbled in witnessing that instead of being filled with righteous indignation Ezra is filled with shame and guilt.
This takes me to Ezekiel 22:29-31 and God said, “The people of the land have used oppressions, committed robbery, and mistreated the poor and needy; and they wrongfully oppress the stranger. (is this not what the Christian church has been doing in the religiosity that they’ve embraced, forgetting to love, forgetting Jesus, forgetting the point, and rather worshiping the religion?) So I sought for a man among them who would make a wall, and stand in the gap before Me on behalf of the land, that I should not destroy it; but I found no one. Therefore I have poured out My indignation on them; I have consumed them with the fire of My wrath; and I have recompensed their deeds on their own heads," says the Lord GOD.”
In chapter 10 of Ezra there is a word that still slightly evades me but I am intrigued by it and I believe it is the answer to all of the questioning we have when faced with such atrocities as we are today. As Kevin said “its hard to know what to do with these types of people” Ezra 10:1 Now when Ezra had prayed, and when he had confessed, weeping and casting himself down before the house of God, there assembled unto him out of Israel a very great congregation of men and women and children: for the people wept very sore.
Ezra prayed and confessed (I believe that Ezra stood in the gap for the Priests of Israel, just as God had been searching for someone to do in Ezekiel) The word translated into English is “Pray (prayed),” but in Hebrew it is the word “Palal,” which means to judge or make a judgment.
Ezra judged and then confessed. Ezra himself brought the sins of the people before God. He had to see the truth, he had to first make judgment, declare TRUTH which in this case was the absolute presence of sin, and then he made confession of that sin before God, and he wept and cast himself down before God, showing humility and repentance for the sins committed. Ezra stood in the gap.
One of the last things that Jesus said to his disciples before he ascended was this:
John 20:21-23 So Jesus said to them again, "Peace to you! As the Father has sent Me, I also send you." And when He had said this, He breathed on them, and said to them, "Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained."
I never realized the magnitude of what Jesus was saying here until this word, Palal, was made known to me. I mean what had the Father sent Him to do? Was it not to Love and to bring Forgiveness, to make atonement, to cover the sins, to tear down the veil and bring communion with the Father back to restoration. Is this not what He was asking of us here? Sin is a veil that blinds the trespasser from truth and light, it creates a gap between the child and the Father. But Jesus so clearly said that if you forgive the sins of any they are forgiven them and if you retain them they are retained. He is calling us to do what Ezra did, to stand in the gap, to tear down the veil, and to forgive (not to judge and condemn (or retain), but to judge and remit).
This is mainly my point. We can get mad, look at the sin and become furious and repulsed, separate ourselves from it and fear the righteous wrath of God that will ensue; or we can choose to live as Jesus lived, loving AND standing in the gap for those who are being veiled from the truth.
I’ll take it just a little further. It is recorded in several different books of how Jesus withered a fig tree. For over 20 years of my life this bothered me and I could not see a point for His having done that. I mean it clearly states that it wasn’t even the season for figs, the tree should not have even been baring fruit at that time, yet Jesus killed it for having no fruit.
Immediately after this, one of the most popular verses in scripture occurs, “So Jesus answered and said to them, "Have faith in God. Assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what was done to the fig tree, but also if you say to this mountain, 'Be removed and be cast into the sea,' it will be done. And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive."
Then Jesus says, directly after this, "And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.
I believe that these three different very popular scriptures all following each other (the fig tree, the mountain verse, and then the forgiving anyone their trespasses) are all completely related! I believe that Jesus judged the fig tree and spoke truth over it. The truth was that it bore no fruit (even though it wasn’t the season for fruit). This judgment withered the tree and I completely and totally believe that we’ve been given this EXACT same authority to wither fruitless trees by simply judging them.
BUT Jesus directly after this said that we can move mountains into the sea. To me, in my opinion if a mountain needs to be moved into the sea, either the mountain is an obstacle (like something causing someone to bear no fruit) or the sea is an obstacle (like a gap separating someone from their Father). So what’s it gonna be, are you gonna have faith to wither trees, or are you gonna have faith to move obstacles (and maybe cause a little fruit to grow)???
And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him!
I guess what I’m trying desperately to embrace is that even though THE CHURCH looks very corrupt at times, and even though a lot of their principles can make your stomach churn, and even though they are doing a pretty good job of keeping people from entering the kingdom, well we are apart of it. And if we see sin encompassing God’s house, the people who’ve been given the eyes to see that sin should step up against it and seek God for forgiveness and restoration and a tearing of the veil. We probably shouldn’t just call it what it is and watch it wither because Jesus has given us the keys to move the mountain.
I say this, but I am always the first to speak death to the tree. I am trying to change. I am trying to embrace the flip side and believe for the mountain to be moved. I am certain that this is what Jesus is asking of us. I really don’t think he wanted the tree to die, I think he was showing us what we can chose to do.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
I’m going to call this The Real Battle (part 3 in the war series)
This is part 3 of the last 2 blogs.
You know that verse, “The truth shall make you free,”? In the past few months this verse has come alive to me. I’ve found a beautiful joy, a fresh passion, and a moving force in a quest for this truth.
In correlation with my last two blogs I have to wonder if we fight the wrong fight most often. Generally we’re fighting for someTHING. For example, people often fight their entire lives for a good job or a better one or even better pay. We fight for health in the onslaught of sickness after sickness (I do actually consider health a thing because this body isn’t everlasting). We fight for those material desires, things we hunger for, possibly a reliable vehicle, a great outfit; I don’t know, things, you get what I’m saying right (hopefully). We strive and toil, and pray, and hope, and believe; we put our energy and struggle into these fights for THINGS. But all of these things, in the grand scheme are meaningless. They may add a bit of pleasure to our fleeting lives. They may give a sense of purpose, a cause, a reason to move. These fights seem right, usually, they seem like God’s will to most people. And so we continue to fight for what we believe “the enemy has stolen”, or is keeping from us.
I’m starting to wonder; actually I’ve begun to believe that all these fights are on the edge of the real battle. I believe that the real war is a war against truth, and we should be fighting to obtain it.
Once, I stood before the Lord. There was window in heaven, closed, I looked up to it. All of my desires, things I believe that God has promised me pressed up against the window, out of reach and trapped behind the glass. My heart ached for these things, things which would vastly increase every aspect of my life. I whined to God, “Why have you kept these things from me? They are out of my reach and I am much too weak to open that window, even if I could get to it. What am I to do?” Clear as day (I think that’s the expression) I heard Him say, “These things I’ve shown you, I am going to do for you, rejoice in that. You mustn’t look to them, but look to Me.” Ok, it wasn’t in those words exactly I don't think. It was quite awhile ago actually and I don’t remember exactly what was said, but that was the gist of it.
At the time my heart was relieved and I hoped in the Lord for those things, just as He’d promised. But lately, lately I’ve found a greater hope. Just recently I’m beginning realize that, like He said, He plans to provide those things for me, but I really need not hope for them because it’s wasted energy. Do you see what I’m saying? God said they’re mine. It’s not a battle I must fight. I don’t need to war for any of that. He said he’s giving them to me and then He said, “Look to Me.” I fully, completely, totally believe that is the battle.
Every minute of everyday something is trying to pull your eyes off of the Lord. That is the battle. The sickness isn’t the battle. Keeping your eyes on God is. The better job isn’t the battle. Believing God’s word is. The thing you’re passionate for isn’t what you should be fighting for; you should be fighting for a greater passion for God. I think, that when the Israelites marched to battle, their battle was believing God’s word and being obedient, it wasn’t killing the bad guys. I think the ultimate fight is for truth.
______________________________________________________
This is like a bullet point or something. I have to add this cause it’s something that irks me. We “Christians” have a strong tendency to lay dormant at the feet of authority. The Bible says that rebellion is as witch craft. It also says that we must submit to the governing authorities, both great verses, and things to definitely follow and live by. BUT, if you have a relationship with God; if you seek Him and listen; if you hear His voice and it’s contrary to what the authorities are saying then right there, DING, DING, DING, that’s a battle for truth! You must submit to the governing authorities, GOD said so. BUT God is a little bit more of an authority than any on this earth and if He’s telling you something that’s different than what they’re saying then maybe, just maybe the said authority isn’t seeing TRUTH. There’s probably a lie blocking their vision and if, by chance, God has given you the insight to see through that lie then maybe, just maybe you need to pray, fight, battle (IN THE SPIRIT) for your authority to see truth. Don’t go against them. God told you not to. But fight for truth, war, battle.
Here’s the thing, it’s WAY easier for the enemy to lie to the authority and stop an entire people with one lie than for him to try and trick everyone. Guess who he’s most likely to go after… And if the people are always just submitting, and not fighting, then, well, truth is dead.
You know that verse, “The truth shall make you free,”? In the past few months this verse has come alive to me. I’ve found a beautiful joy, a fresh passion, and a moving force in a quest for this truth.
In correlation with my last two blogs I have to wonder if we fight the wrong fight most often. Generally we’re fighting for someTHING. For example, people often fight their entire lives for a good job or a better one or even better pay. We fight for health in the onslaught of sickness after sickness (I do actually consider health a thing because this body isn’t everlasting). We fight for those material desires, things we hunger for, possibly a reliable vehicle, a great outfit; I don’t know, things, you get what I’m saying right (hopefully). We strive and toil, and pray, and hope, and believe; we put our energy and struggle into these fights for THINGS. But all of these things, in the grand scheme are meaningless. They may add a bit of pleasure to our fleeting lives. They may give a sense of purpose, a cause, a reason to move. These fights seem right, usually, they seem like God’s will to most people. And so we continue to fight for what we believe “the enemy has stolen”, or is keeping from us.
I’m starting to wonder; actually I’ve begun to believe that all these fights are on the edge of the real battle. I believe that the real war is a war against truth, and we should be fighting to obtain it.
Once, I stood before the Lord. There was window in heaven, closed, I looked up to it. All of my desires, things I believe that God has promised me pressed up against the window, out of reach and trapped behind the glass. My heart ached for these things, things which would vastly increase every aspect of my life. I whined to God, “Why have you kept these things from me? They are out of my reach and I am much too weak to open that window, even if I could get to it. What am I to do?” Clear as day (I think that’s the expression) I heard Him say, “These things I’ve shown you, I am going to do for you, rejoice in that. You mustn’t look to them, but look to Me.” Ok, it wasn’t in those words exactly I don't think. It was quite awhile ago actually and I don’t remember exactly what was said, but that was the gist of it.
At the time my heart was relieved and I hoped in the Lord for those things, just as He’d promised. But lately, lately I’ve found a greater hope. Just recently I’m beginning realize that, like He said, He plans to provide those things for me, but I really need not hope for them because it’s wasted energy. Do you see what I’m saying? God said they’re mine. It’s not a battle I must fight. I don’t need to war for any of that. He said he’s giving them to me and then He said, “Look to Me.” I fully, completely, totally believe that is the battle.
Every minute of everyday something is trying to pull your eyes off of the Lord. That is the battle. The sickness isn’t the battle. Keeping your eyes on God is. The better job isn’t the battle. Believing God’s word is. The thing you’re passionate for isn’t what you should be fighting for; you should be fighting for a greater passion for God. I think, that when the Israelites marched to battle, their battle was believing God’s word and being obedient, it wasn’t killing the bad guys. I think the ultimate fight is for truth.
______________________________________________________
This is like a bullet point or something. I have to add this cause it’s something that irks me. We “Christians” have a strong tendency to lay dormant at the feet of authority. The Bible says that rebellion is as witch craft. It also says that we must submit to the governing authorities, both great verses, and things to definitely follow and live by. BUT, if you have a relationship with God; if you seek Him and listen; if you hear His voice and it’s contrary to what the authorities are saying then right there, DING, DING, DING, that’s a battle for truth! You must submit to the governing authorities, GOD said so. BUT God is a little bit more of an authority than any on this earth and if He’s telling you something that’s different than what they’re saying then maybe, just maybe the said authority isn’t seeing TRUTH. There’s probably a lie blocking their vision and if, by chance, God has given you the insight to see through that lie then maybe, just maybe you need to pray, fight, battle (IN THE SPIRIT) for your authority to see truth. Don’t go against them. God told you not to. But fight for truth, war, battle.
Here’s the thing, it’s WAY easier for the enemy to lie to the authority and stop an entire people with one lie than for him to try and trick everyone. Guess who he’s most likely to go after… And if the people are always just submitting, and not fighting, then, well, truth is dead.
Friday, November 27, 2009
still fighting (two posts in one day, ahh)
I think there are two parts to spiritual warfare. The first part is simply identifying the battle. I think too often we try and wage war against unnecessary foes. Like I said earlier, it’s essential to seek God first, “should I fight this fight?” Once the Lord has said, “Go,” then you march to battle. If God says, “No, this isn’t your war,” then back off. That’s part 1.
The first part is just as important as the second part but the second part is the actual fight, the battle itself. When the armies of God went to war God had given them direction, He told them to fight and He told them that He went before them; that the victory was theirs. It’s evident from a vast amount of scripture that the Children of God had a very difficult time believing in Him most often. So, you’ve got a little army (the army was usually about 10 times smaller than the enemy’s) that’s just stepped out in faith before a terrifying enemy with only the hope that God will stay true to His word and beat the bad guys for them.
I think this is the key to any fight you may encounter. If you’ve sought the Lord and He’s said, “Go,” then you must believe that this is a fight you’re going to win, that no matter how big it looks, no matter how terrifying, no matter how impossible the situation may appear, God will stay true to His word and He will go before you and you will be victorious. You have none of this assurance if you haven’t taken the time to go before the Lord and complete part 1 (you need to know which battles He’s set before you to fight).
In spiritual warfare you really don’t have a guy standing in front of you holding a sword and shield while grimacing menacingly. I think it pretty much goes without saying, but I’ll say it, spiritual warfare is fought with prayer, scripture, faith, and obedience. If God tells you to do something foolish and weird in order to win the fight he’s set before you, well, you need to do it. But really I think the key to it all is faith, knowing that once he’s sent you forth, He goes before you, that you are victorious, that He is on your side (just stick by Him).
Wow, that was like introduction number 2. I still haven’t even gotten to the initial point I wanted to make : )
The first part is just as important as the second part but the second part is the actual fight, the battle itself. When the armies of God went to war God had given them direction, He told them to fight and He told them that He went before them; that the victory was theirs. It’s evident from a vast amount of scripture that the Children of God had a very difficult time believing in Him most often. So, you’ve got a little army (the army was usually about 10 times smaller than the enemy’s) that’s just stepped out in faith before a terrifying enemy with only the hope that God will stay true to His word and beat the bad guys for them.
I think this is the key to any fight you may encounter. If you’ve sought the Lord and He’s said, “Go,” then you must believe that this is a fight you’re going to win, that no matter how big it looks, no matter how terrifying, no matter how impossible the situation may appear, God will stay true to His word and He will go before you and you will be victorious. You have none of this assurance if you haven’t taken the time to go before the Lord and complete part 1 (you need to know which battles He’s set before you to fight).
In spiritual warfare you really don’t have a guy standing in front of you holding a sword and shield while grimacing menacingly. I think it pretty much goes without saying, but I’ll say it, spiritual warfare is fought with prayer, scripture, faith, and obedience. If God tells you to do something foolish and weird in order to win the fight he’s set before you, well, you need to do it. But really I think the key to it all is faith, knowing that once he’s sent you forth, He goes before you, that you are victorious, that He is on your side (just stick by Him).
Wow, that was like introduction number 2. I still haven’t even gotten to the initial point I wanted to make : )
How to fight (really really basic)
I’ve been making a very poor attempt to read through the entire Bible Chronologically this year. I started in February and haven’t even made it to the Prophets yet. Currently I’m reading the account of David’s life in Israel. This morning I am once again (as usual) fascinated by all of the warfare that took place in the establishing of a Nation that wasn’t really ever established, it seems.
I read a chapter where David defeated one people, and then killed a certain king, and then another, and then defeated another people. This isn’t going in the direction I’d hoped. Here’s what I’m getting at. The pattern that I see, the thing I think is significant and which pertains to everyone’s life at any point and time in the history of the world, is how each battle was essentially won or lost on account of God. And I know that most “Christians” have grasped this aspect of warfare, spiritually or physically, but I believe we’ve gotten lazy, missed the entire message, and in general most people (Christians) have stopped battling all together because of this. Realizing that God is the one responsible for the winning or losing of the fight does not mean we stop fighting.
When David was faced with a battle He sought the Lord. God would say,”Go.” Or God would say, “do not fight.” Or God would say, “Go, but you must go in this manner…” Saul was essentially dethroned because a battle lay before Him but He didn’t know how to get an answer from God. In an attempt to get an answer he broke a very serious rule. Really he lost the entire fight before the battle ever began. Saul had no relationship with the Lord. He didn’t know how to seek God. He didn’t know which way was up and which way was down. He just didn’t cut it. Again, the battle is the Lord’s; He wins it or He doesn’t fight. Without God leading the army there’s no hope. This is getting wordy and a bit annoying.
The pattern I see, the point I’m trying to make: A battle presents itself. God gives direction. The warrior moves. The Lord wins the fight!
First and foremost we have to recognize a battle when we see one. I think a lot of people suck at this. I think a lot of people focus way too much on what’s going on in camp right in front of their little noses and don’t see the real enemy stationed a ways off in the neighboring field.
Second, we must, MUST seek God. Not man. Not the smart guy next to us. Not a book full of great advice, wisdom, knowledge, the secrets to the universe; GOD! If you can’t hear Him, then let Him know that, humble yourself, turn your little nose down and listen. (even if it takes a few years to get an answer)
Third, this is the big one, this is the one I think mainly and mostly we’ve ALL stopped doing, MOVE! God never (at least as far as I can recall) defeated an enemy while the warrior was sitting down doing nothing. Sometimes God made the warrior do really weird, foolish, even retarded things, BUT the warrior was always in on the action, moving. It seems to me that we’ve come to a place of realization that God wins the war, He’s the one who fights, really, and He’s responsible for the victory so we’ve just stopped going to battle. It does not work that way. MOVE!
Then, the Lord wins the fight.
This is for me. All of my blogs are for me. I need to remind myself regularly of “how it is.” So this is for me. Michal Ann keep your eyes open, listen, move, victory!
I read a chapter where David defeated one people, and then killed a certain king, and then another, and then defeated another people. This isn’t going in the direction I’d hoped. Here’s what I’m getting at. The pattern that I see, the thing I think is significant and which pertains to everyone’s life at any point and time in the history of the world, is how each battle was essentially won or lost on account of God. And I know that most “Christians” have grasped this aspect of warfare, spiritually or physically, but I believe we’ve gotten lazy, missed the entire message, and in general most people (Christians) have stopped battling all together because of this. Realizing that God is the one responsible for the winning or losing of the fight does not mean we stop fighting.
When David was faced with a battle He sought the Lord. God would say,”Go.” Or God would say, “do not fight.” Or God would say, “Go, but you must go in this manner…” Saul was essentially dethroned because a battle lay before Him but He didn’t know how to get an answer from God. In an attempt to get an answer he broke a very serious rule. Really he lost the entire fight before the battle ever began. Saul had no relationship with the Lord. He didn’t know how to seek God. He didn’t know which way was up and which way was down. He just didn’t cut it. Again, the battle is the Lord’s; He wins it or He doesn’t fight. Without God leading the army there’s no hope. This is getting wordy and a bit annoying.
The pattern I see, the point I’m trying to make: A battle presents itself. God gives direction. The warrior moves. The Lord wins the fight!
First and foremost we have to recognize a battle when we see one. I think a lot of people suck at this. I think a lot of people focus way too much on what’s going on in camp right in front of their little noses and don’t see the real enemy stationed a ways off in the neighboring field.
Second, we must, MUST seek God. Not man. Not the smart guy next to us. Not a book full of great advice, wisdom, knowledge, the secrets to the universe; GOD! If you can’t hear Him, then let Him know that, humble yourself, turn your little nose down and listen. (even if it takes a few years to get an answer)
Third, this is the big one, this is the one I think mainly and mostly we’ve ALL stopped doing, MOVE! God never (at least as far as I can recall) defeated an enemy while the warrior was sitting down doing nothing. Sometimes God made the warrior do really weird, foolish, even retarded things, BUT the warrior was always in on the action, moving. It seems to me that we’ve come to a place of realization that God wins the war, He’s the one who fights, really, and He’s responsible for the victory so we’ve just stopped going to battle. It does not work that way. MOVE!
Then, the Lord wins the fight.
This is for me. All of my blogs are for me. I need to remind myself regularly of “how it is.” So this is for me. Michal Ann keep your eyes open, listen, move, victory!
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Joy vs. Pleasure
Everything here is taken from the book "to have or to be?" by Erich Fromm.
Keep in mind that the entire book is teaching of two different modes of existance. The first being a life lived on the basis of being, increasing who you are, growing, changing, continually being alive and living. The second mode of existance involves a life of having, you are what you have, your job, your house, your clothing; basically the American lifestyle. There need not be any increase in who you are as long as you're always obtaining, acquiring, having more, achieving more. In this mode of living, increase in things equals increase in your being (despite how stagnate you might be).
Pleasure seems best defined as the satisfaction of a desire that does not require activity (in the sense of aliveness) to be satisfied. In order to obtain the most thrilling of pleasures individuals often must be very active in the sense of busyness, but not in the sense of "birth within." When they have achived their goal they may be "thrilled," "intensely satisfied," or feel they have reaced a "peak." But what peak? Such passions do not lead to greater human growth and strenghth but to human crippling. These pleasures produce different degrees of excitement but they are not conducive to joy. In fact, the lack of joy makes it necessary to seek ever new, ever more exciting pleasures.
Joy is the concomitant of productive activity. It is not a "peak experiance," which culminates and ends suddenly. Joy is not the ecstatic fire of the moment. Joy is the glow that accompanies being.
Aliveness (actually living and being alive) is conducive to joy. Pleasure and thrill are conducive to sadness after the so-called peak has been reached; for the thrill has been experianced, but the vessel has not grown. One's inner powers have not increased. One has made the attempt to break through the boredom of unproductive activity and for a moment has unified all one's energies- except reason and love. One had attempted to become superhuman, without being human. One seems to have succeeded to the moment of triumph, but the triumph is followed by deep sadness: because nothing has changed within oneself.
Joy is experianced only in being optimally free, rational, active. We must become what we can be. Joy, then, is what we experiance in the process of growing nearer to the goal of becoming ourself. (this process of becoming oneself is only possible if one is living in the being mode of existance)
Basically I am encouraging you, and myself, to look within, to be who you are. No one else can be you. No one else can increase you. You are the only you there will ever be and that excites me, that brings a spark to my being and I'm giddy about increasing ME.
I vastly appreciate that line, "Joy is the glow that accompanies being." I've struggled with joy for far too long.
Keep in mind that the entire book is teaching of two different modes of existance. The first being a life lived on the basis of being, increasing who you are, growing, changing, continually being alive and living. The second mode of existance involves a life of having, you are what you have, your job, your house, your clothing; basically the American lifestyle. There need not be any increase in who you are as long as you're always obtaining, acquiring, having more, achieving more. In this mode of living, increase in things equals increase in your being (despite how stagnate you might be).
Pleasure seems best defined as the satisfaction of a desire that does not require activity (in the sense of aliveness) to be satisfied. In order to obtain the most thrilling of pleasures individuals often must be very active in the sense of busyness, but not in the sense of "birth within." When they have achived their goal they may be "thrilled," "intensely satisfied," or feel they have reaced a "peak." But what peak? Such passions do not lead to greater human growth and strenghth but to human crippling. These pleasures produce different degrees of excitement but they are not conducive to joy. In fact, the lack of joy makes it necessary to seek ever new, ever more exciting pleasures.
Joy is the concomitant of productive activity. It is not a "peak experiance," which culminates and ends suddenly. Joy is not the ecstatic fire of the moment. Joy is the glow that accompanies being.
Aliveness (actually living and being alive) is conducive to joy. Pleasure and thrill are conducive to sadness after the so-called peak has been reached; for the thrill has been experianced, but the vessel has not grown. One's inner powers have not increased. One has made the attempt to break through the boredom of unproductive activity and for a moment has unified all one's energies- except reason and love. One had attempted to become superhuman, without being human. One seems to have succeeded to the moment of triumph, but the triumph is followed by deep sadness: because nothing has changed within oneself.
Joy is experianced only in being optimally free, rational, active. We must become what we can be. Joy, then, is what we experiance in the process of growing nearer to the goal of becoming ourself. (this process of becoming oneself is only possible if one is living in the being mode of existance)
Basically I am encouraging you, and myself, to look within, to be who you are. No one else can be you. No one else can increase you. You are the only you there will ever be and that excites me, that brings a spark to my being and I'm giddy about increasing ME.
I vastly appreciate that line, "Joy is the glow that accompanies being." I've struggled with joy for far too long.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
I am mentally ill
“To be driven by irrational passions is to be mentally sick.”
I must clarify that the term irrational here, according to the author, is referring to anything which is contrary to human nature, human nature being the natural processes of living life as a human, NATURAL being the key word. (wow that sentence was a duzy)
I LOVE sugar. I want sugar all of the time. Sugar makes me happy. (sad but true) Here’s the thing though, constant consumption and using sugar to implement joy is a reflection of mental illness because a lot of sugar isn’t healthy and joy should NEVER come from a substance. This drive, or irrational passion in my life is a form of mental illness because my mind believes that my body needs sugar but naturally it does not need excess amounts of sugar (all of the time). This is one, and only one example of a mental illness I have.
So why does my mind feel that my body needs excess amounts of sugar? It has become a chemical imbalance in my body due to constant consumption of the heavenly substance, and that isn’t a mental illness (but actually a physical one), however I didn’t start out with a chemical imbalance.
Christmas candy. Just desserts. Warm sugary beverages on cold cold days. Sugary social engagements...
I’ve been raised from childhood with a concept of sugar being a thing that brings joy and causes delight. It’s the marketing of it, the connections that were made in my brain at a very young age between sugar and joy are due to a society that uses sugar to pacify. I think it’s the first pyshc drug we use, way before all those expensive ones enter the picture. So now I am an educated adult with a very realistic concept of sugar as something to be enjoyed sparingly, something that causes cavities, obesity, diabetes, addiction, and various other negative affects on the body when abused. BUT mentally, even unconsciously, I feel that I need sugar (a lot of it all the time). My body tells me it’s something I must have NOW. I try and combat this with the knowledge that I have, BUT my body because of those awesome connections that were made in my brain as a child between sugar and joy, fully believes the opposite of what knowledge is telling me. This is mental illness.
“To be driven by irrational passions is to be mentally sick.”
I must clarify that the term irrational here, according to the author, is referring to anything which is contrary to human nature, human nature being the natural processes of living life as a human, NATURAL being the key word. (wow that sentence was a duzy)
I LOVE sugar. I want sugar all of the time. Sugar makes me happy. (sad but true) Here’s the thing though, constant consumption and using sugar to implement joy is a reflection of mental illness because a lot of sugar isn’t healthy and joy should NEVER come from a substance. This drive, or irrational passion in my life is a form of mental illness because my mind believes that my body needs sugar but naturally it does not need excess amounts of sugar (all of the time). This is one, and only one example of a mental illness I have.
So why does my mind feel that my body needs excess amounts of sugar? It has become a chemical imbalance in my body due to constant consumption of the heavenly substance, and that isn’t a mental illness (but actually a physical one), however I didn’t start out with a chemical imbalance.
Christmas candy. Just desserts. Warm sugary beverages on cold cold days. Sugary social engagements...
I’ve been raised from childhood with a concept of sugar being a thing that brings joy and causes delight. It’s the marketing of it, the connections that were made in my brain at a very young age between sugar and joy are due to a society that uses sugar to pacify. I think it’s the first pyshc drug we use, way before all those expensive ones enter the picture. So now I am an educated adult with a very realistic concept of sugar as something to be enjoyed sparingly, something that causes cavities, obesity, diabetes, addiction, and various other negative affects on the body when abused. BUT mentally, even unconsciously, I feel that I need sugar (a lot of it all the time). My body tells me it’s something I must have NOW. I try and combat this with the knowledge that I have, BUT my body because of those awesome connections that were made in my brain as a child between sugar and joy, fully believes the opposite of what knowledge is telling me. This is mental illness.
“To be driven by irrational passions is to be mentally sick.”
Halloween and me
I bet I posted this exact same blog last year. Too bad, here I go again. I dont celebrate halloween. I was raised that way but I dont want people to think thats the reason why I've chosen to opt out of a huge holiday that pretty much everyone loves (except the freaks like me and my mother).
I've decided not to be ignorant about the things I do. I mean I want to know where the milk and the eggs and the meat that I eat come from. This decision "to know" has presented hardship for me. I now have to decide whether I am going to spend more money and more time aquiring food that I feel good about eating, or whether I am going to just ignore the truth and consume unhealthy products that have come from horrifically abused LIVING things (animals).
I'm interested in the other things that I spend my money on as well. Where were these items made, who made them, what type of business is selling them and what cost was really put into each THING that I acquire (at as little price as I can possibly aquire it at/ despite the actual cost of human life it's taken to produce)?
What in the world does this have to do with Halloween right? Well I've read alot about Ireland and my ancesters, it's history, traditions and folklore. I love that I'm Irish. I love that people who are responcible for my life lived their lives there. I love learning and knowing about my history, the history before me. In reading and learning all that I can about that wonderful place I've stumbled across alot of the things that made my mom decide not to celebrate halloween.
I know that Halloween is the festival which celebrates the one day in which the spiritual world (underworld) and the physical world (which we are living in) coexist. All those who have passed into the underworld, on this day, halloween, have an opportunity to come back and meet with or haunt those who remain here. The Irish have always been very superstitious (thats what people call it I guess). The problem with these spirits coming back is that if you're still living and you happened to have wronged one of them then you could be in for it. The living people, in fear of retribution, decided that the best thing to do would be to dress up, disguise themselves so that the spirit seeking revenge could not find them. In doing this they were also afforded the opportunity to play tricks on their neighbors, because they were, after all, disguised so no one would know it was them. Trick or treat!
Additionally, my mom let me carve a pumpkin once. It was fun and I felt it the hugest priviledge in all the world because I never got to before that day. BUT, originally pumkins were carved as places for the the wandering spirits to rest on their journey and the light represents the spirit residing in it.
The real problem here is that I do believe in spirits. I believe in hauntings and demons and the underworld (to some degree). I know that witches are real as are curses and spells and I can't really understand celebrating this dark spiritual aspect that is really truely apart of our world.
I think kids dressed in costumes are really super cute, but when I think about the history and the foundation to the costumes that those little kids are wearing on the day that the spiritual world and physical world are supposed to meet, well it sort of makes my stomach churn. I like jack o lanterns, but knowing where and why, knowing that each of those cute or scary or hilarious little pumpkins are ORIGINALLY supposed to have been a home for a traveling spirit, well... I just can't do it.
I know this pisses alot of people off, most people dont want to know where their food comes from or how the holiday they are celebrating originated. The food tastes good and the holiday is fun... but for me, not so much. I don't think demons and witiches and traveling spirits are something to celebrate and make fun with and I can not celebrate halloween.
Also, I appreciate that my mom raised me according to her convictions. I like that she ignored all the MANY MANY people that told her she was being foolish and super religious for not letting us trick or treat. Thank you mom.
(I don't judge people for celebrating this holiday because I realize that pretty much everyone does not see it how I do and I can fully understand that, I just ask that people would not judge me for NOT celebrating this holiday, because they do, and I don't like it, and quite frankly I think it's mean)
I've decided not to be ignorant about the things I do. I mean I want to know where the milk and the eggs and the meat that I eat come from. This decision "to know" has presented hardship for me. I now have to decide whether I am going to spend more money and more time aquiring food that I feel good about eating, or whether I am going to just ignore the truth and consume unhealthy products that have come from horrifically abused LIVING things (animals).
I'm interested in the other things that I spend my money on as well. Where were these items made, who made them, what type of business is selling them and what cost was really put into each THING that I acquire (at as little price as I can possibly aquire it at/ despite the actual cost of human life it's taken to produce)?
What in the world does this have to do with Halloween right? Well I've read alot about Ireland and my ancesters, it's history, traditions and folklore. I love that I'm Irish. I love that people who are responcible for my life lived their lives there. I love learning and knowing about my history, the history before me. In reading and learning all that I can about that wonderful place I've stumbled across alot of the things that made my mom decide not to celebrate halloween.
I know that Halloween is the festival which celebrates the one day in which the spiritual world (underworld) and the physical world (which we are living in) coexist. All those who have passed into the underworld, on this day, halloween, have an opportunity to come back and meet with or haunt those who remain here. The Irish have always been very superstitious (thats what people call it I guess). The problem with these spirits coming back is that if you're still living and you happened to have wronged one of them then you could be in for it. The living people, in fear of retribution, decided that the best thing to do would be to dress up, disguise themselves so that the spirit seeking revenge could not find them. In doing this they were also afforded the opportunity to play tricks on their neighbors, because they were, after all, disguised so no one would know it was them. Trick or treat!
Additionally, my mom let me carve a pumpkin once. It was fun and I felt it the hugest priviledge in all the world because I never got to before that day. BUT, originally pumkins were carved as places for the the wandering spirits to rest on their journey and the light represents the spirit residing in it.
The real problem here is that I do believe in spirits. I believe in hauntings and demons and the underworld (to some degree). I know that witches are real as are curses and spells and I can't really understand celebrating this dark spiritual aspect that is really truely apart of our world.
I think kids dressed in costumes are really super cute, but when I think about the history and the foundation to the costumes that those little kids are wearing on the day that the spiritual world and physical world are supposed to meet, well it sort of makes my stomach churn. I like jack o lanterns, but knowing where and why, knowing that each of those cute or scary or hilarious little pumpkins are ORIGINALLY supposed to have been a home for a traveling spirit, well... I just can't do it.
I know this pisses alot of people off, most people dont want to know where their food comes from or how the holiday they are celebrating originated. The food tastes good and the holiday is fun... but for me, not so much. I don't think demons and witiches and traveling spirits are something to celebrate and make fun with and I can not celebrate halloween.
Also, I appreciate that my mom raised me according to her convictions. I like that she ignored all the MANY MANY people that told her she was being foolish and super religious for not letting us trick or treat. Thank you mom.
(I don't judge people for celebrating this holiday because I realize that pretty much everyone does not see it how I do and I can fully understand that, I just ask that people would not judge me for NOT celebrating this holiday, because they do, and I don't like it, and quite frankly I think it's mean)
Saturday, October 24, 2009
James Joyce's "Dubliners"
I love all things Irish and in reading many historical type books about Ireland I’ve heard mention of the great James Joyce many times. (Retraction: I’m not into booze) It took me quite a long time to read this little book by James Joyce (I’ve been so overwhelmed by life lately) but I really enjoyed it. The first two narratives that I read took me for a surprise because they just ended. There was no resolution, and I didn’t see a point to what I’d just read. I was just left there, having consumed a bit of story and then, it stopped. I was prepared for the abrupt absolution while reading the third story, so it didn’t hit me quite as forcefully. During the fourth I decided to figure out the point to these short little, seemingly pointless, writings. Upon reading the entire collection “Dubliners,” I personally didn’t see a message or an overall purpose to the writings. I will declare ignorance and admit naivety. There probably is a message. I probably missed it. The thing I liked about the book though was that the stories were written so well. I liked that I was reading not for a story with a grand revelation intertwined but merely for the writing. The beautiful way the story teller told his tale. The minute detail he managed to pen on paper. I loved the way he described each character and detailed how each interacted. I read the entire book just for the writing not for a message and I loved it.
I believe the Pickwick Papers by Charles Dickens to be my favorite novel. I’ve never been able to describe why and I’ve never found a point to the story. Many other great novels have changed my perspective on life and living and have had wonderfully interesting stories but for some reason I always come back to the Pickwick Papers with a greater love than what I have for any of the others. Dubliners seemed much the same to me. I enjoyed the descriptions, the detail, the writing.
I believe the Pickwick Papers by Charles Dickens to be my favorite novel. I’ve never been able to describe why and I’ve never found a point to the story. Many other great novels have changed my perspective on life and living and have had wonderfully interesting stories but for some reason I always come back to the Pickwick Papers with a greater love than what I have for any of the others. Dubliners seemed much the same to me. I enjoyed the descriptions, the detail, the writing.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Ever since I got back from Guatemala in 2006 I've been fighting with myself. For example I should be working out right now, instead I'm sitting on my butt infront of this glowing screen. Every single time I want anything, I question my motives and wonder at the expense. I don't need anything apart from food and water to survive, and clothing / shelter to protect me from the elements. And all of these I believe I could rather easily obtain if I weren't picky.
I don't need a new frying pan to replace the dingy one in my kitchen. I dont need to spend $4 on coffee in the morning (because it's faster and easier than spending way less and making it myself / even though I actually do not need coffee at all). I don't need new clothing, ever. And the truly sad part of this reality is that although I constantly indulge myself with these wasteful and unecessary consumptions I don't even truly want any of it. I DON'T WANT ANY OF IT! There's something inside of me that's stronger than me, that's driving me to obtain, more and more and MORE, constantly, ceaselessly, at what ever expense necessary and I, ME, I dont even want these things. I am two beings. I am ME, the person who cares and wants to live life and make a difference and impact the world just a little bit AND THEN I am her, a crazy selfish, needy, weak (although stronger than me apparently) horrible, regular American, person who is controlling my life and causing ME to suffocate.
I must make a list.
Me, wants
to read
to create art
to find joy in all the little things
to be healthy
to consume animal byproducts that have been raised humanly on sustainable farms
to not EVER EVER purchase affordable items made by slave labor
to not be in debt
to serisouly dress in rags, I'm not sure why but a part of me really really wants to
to help and love people, all people, everywhere
to not waste ANYTHING, EVER
her, wants
to sit on my butt and do nothing ever (because I deserve to rest)
to just do whats easy and normal (despite the actual cost)
to eat everything and anything and just keep eating more or it
to purchase expensive clothing, just because of the way it feels to have it
to be dumb
I am tired.
I don't need a new frying pan to replace the dingy one in my kitchen. I dont need to spend $4 on coffee in the morning (because it's faster and easier than spending way less and making it myself / even though I actually do not need coffee at all). I don't need new clothing, ever. And the truly sad part of this reality is that although I constantly indulge myself with these wasteful and unecessary consumptions I don't even truly want any of it. I DON'T WANT ANY OF IT! There's something inside of me that's stronger than me, that's driving me to obtain, more and more and MORE, constantly, ceaselessly, at what ever expense necessary and I, ME, I dont even want these things. I am two beings. I am ME, the person who cares and wants to live life and make a difference and impact the world just a little bit AND THEN I am her, a crazy selfish, needy, weak (although stronger than me apparently) horrible, regular American, person who is controlling my life and causing ME to suffocate.
I must make a list.
Me, wants
to read
to create art
to find joy in all the little things
to be healthy
to consume animal byproducts that have been raised humanly on sustainable farms
to not EVER EVER purchase affordable items made by slave labor
to not be in debt
to serisouly dress in rags, I'm not sure why but a part of me really really wants to
to help and love people, all people, everywhere
to not waste ANYTHING, EVER
her, wants
to sit on my butt and do nothing ever (because I deserve to rest)
to just do whats easy and normal (despite the actual cost)
to eat everything and anything and just keep eating more or it
to purchase expensive clothing, just because of the way it feels to have it
to be dumb
I am tired.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
The rich young ruler
Jesus told the rich young ruler to sell all that he had. The rich young ruler couldn't do it. I've heard so many sermons preached about this passage. They each bypass the actul selling of his goods and reflect on the man's heart. It's as if the preachers of the Christian church are telling us that there is no need to part with your earthly belongings as long as your heart is in the right place. I'm just going to be frank: I don't see anything of that nature in this passage. This guy was 'just' in everything that he did. He wanted to do even more. Jesus told him to sell everything. He couldn't do it. I think it's aboslutely WRONG to preach a message saying that "his heart was in the wrong place, and you haven't any reason to part with your earthly belongings."
I believe that man is ruled by what he posesses. You have to devote time and money (which takes time to incure) to everything you possess. The less you have, the less time and money you need to devote to stuff. I believe this to be fact. I don't think that there is any getting around it. The question that I'm left pondering is what of our conveniences might actually be affording us time.
If I own a vehicle which allows me to move from one point to another much quicker than walking, how much extra time is the vehicle actually affording me and at what expense? Pollution is an obvious expense. As is excersize lost while driving, as opposed to walking, leading to poorer health. The loss of time spent in nature, not listening to the birds and the wind in the trees, I feel is an expense. Obvisously the vehicle allows travel in harsher conditions that walking wouldn't allow. I'm responcible for car insurance, gasoline, oil, maintainenance. All of which, I must spend time making money, inorder to afford. My vehicle would require time cleaning. I am wondering of the checks and balances of all the stuff we've accumulated in this, our society of rich young rulers.
It seems we've surrounded ourselves with un-natural time saving devises that have disonected us from nature and, I feel, are swallowing up much of our time. I'm frusterated.
I believe that man is ruled by what he posesses. You have to devote time and money (which takes time to incure) to everything you possess. The less you have, the less time and money you need to devote to stuff. I believe this to be fact. I don't think that there is any getting around it. The question that I'm left pondering is what of our conveniences might actually be affording us time.
If I own a vehicle which allows me to move from one point to another much quicker than walking, how much extra time is the vehicle actually affording me and at what expense? Pollution is an obvious expense. As is excersize lost while driving, as opposed to walking, leading to poorer health. The loss of time spent in nature, not listening to the birds and the wind in the trees, I feel is an expense. Obvisously the vehicle allows travel in harsher conditions that walking wouldn't allow. I'm responcible for car insurance, gasoline, oil, maintainenance. All of which, I must spend time making money, inorder to afford. My vehicle would require time cleaning. I am wondering of the checks and balances of all the stuff we've accumulated in this, our society of rich young rulers.
It seems we've surrounded ourselves with un-natural time saving devises that have disonected us from nature and, I feel, are swallowing up much of our time. I'm frusterated.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
St. Patrick of Ireland by Philip Freeman
I finished reading St. Patrick of Ireland for the second time yesterday. I really love this book.
It's odd to me how the writer is so grotesque in his description of the barbaric antcient Irish compared to many other books I've read on this subject. Most authors seem to look down upon the ideas of the Irish being canables, making ritual blood sacrifices and such, but the descriptions of such traditions of the Irish recorded in this book really stick out to me like soar thumb. Looking past this veiwpoint however I love the way the author looks into the man of St. Patrick by analyzing his surviving two letters along with the age he lived in.
To me this book is so full of light, telling the story of a man who was enslaved at a young age, found God while in servitiude in a pasture of sheep on an Irish hillside, was then sent on a journey home directed and protected by God, and ultimatley called by God to return to the Island of his enslavement to free the barbaric Irish through the redeeming power of Christ. The entire book is filled with great historical information not only about St. Patrick but about Britian, the Roman empire, the Irish, and the church.
From an evangelical Christians veiwpoint it seemed like the author, although relaying Patricks relationship with God, in terms of God speaking to him in dreams, and warning him of coming danger in the future, didn't necessarily believe God was truley behind these dreams and visions. I liked how the author wrote, in my opinion, so skeptically of Patricks encounters with God. The simple telling of the story, with no convincing of it's validity involved, made it seem very raw and real. I could imagine for myself the reality of Patrick waking from a dream in which God spoke to him. I could imagine for myself the enemny seizing Patrick and imobilzing him. I could imagine for myself the aboslute faith and the beautiful relationship Patrick must have had with God. I think the story is beautiful and reassuring of God's unchanging nature.
I tend to look at the time of Patrick as very unspiritual. I always imagine that the monks and bishops of the Catholic church were very religious and although I don't doubt they had faith in God and somewhat of a relationship with Him I never imagine such an intense beatiful spirit filled relationship as that which is relayed in this book. It's encouraging, enlightening, and confirming of the unchanging nature of God. It makes me admire the evangelists of Patricks age. It paints a beautiful picture of the gospel of Christ coming to Ireland. It's a great true story and I feel the author does and excellent non bias job of telling it. I really love this book.
It's odd to me how the writer is so grotesque in his description of the barbaric antcient Irish compared to many other books I've read on this subject. Most authors seem to look down upon the ideas of the Irish being canables, making ritual blood sacrifices and such, but the descriptions of such traditions of the Irish recorded in this book really stick out to me like soar thumb. Looking past this veiwpoint however I love the way the author looks into the man of St. Patrick by analyzing his surviving two letters along with the age he lived in.
To me this book is so full of light, telling the story of a man who was enslaved at a young age, found God while in servitiude in a pasture of sheep on an Irish hillside, was then sent on a journey home directed and protected by God, and ultimatley called by God to return to the Island of his enslavement to free the barbaric Irish through the redeeming power of Christ. The entire book is filled with great historical information not only about St. Patrick but about Britian, the Roman empire, the Irish, and the church.
From an evangelical Christians veiwpoint it seemed like the author, although relaying Patricks relationship with God, in terms of God speaking to him in dreams, and warning him of coming danger in the future, didn't necessarily believe God was truley behind these dreams and visions. I liked how the author wrote, in my opinion, so skeptically of Patricks encounters with God. The simple telling of the story, with no convincing of it's validity involved, made it seem very raw and real. I could imagine for myself the reality of Patrick waking from a dream in which God spoke to him. I could imagine for myself the enemny seizing Patrick and imobilzing him. I could imagine for myself the aboslute faith and the beautiful relationship Patrick must have had with God. I think the story is beautiful and reassuring of God's unchanging nature.
I tend to look at the time of Patrick as very unspiritual. I always imagine that the monks and bishops of the Catholic church were very religious and although I don't doubt they had faith in God and somewhat of a relationship with Him I never imagine such an intense beatiful spirit filled relationship as that which is relayed in this book. It's encouraging, enlightening, and confirming of the unchanging nature of God. It makes me admire the evangelists of Patricks age. It paints a beautiful picture of the gospel of Christ coming to Ireland. It's a great true story and I feel the author does and excellent non bias job of telling it. I really love this book.
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