Once again is shows its ugly head, Day 99

It's been one of those weeks (and it's only Wednesday). That's what they say "one of those"... It always strikes me as odd when depression comes out of nowhere. Who knows why or whence it came but BAM it's here. I know it won't hang around long and I can take it, however it does sure complicate life in the mean time.

I've been adamantly trying to focus, trying to look for the positive, notice the beautiful, and recognize purpose but it's been difficult to just get out of bed in the morning. Leaving my home sweet messy home and forcing myself with every ounce of energy I can muster to go to work and then arriving at work empty from the mere struggle of waking, moving, and leaving the house; this is one set of obstacles that shouldn't actually be obstacles.

I am currently surrounded by books, books that are calling to something inside of me, something inside of me that heart wrenchingly desires to read each of them NOW. But I can't seem to open even one. The mere thought of peaking at a single page tires me. My home is collecting rubbish, just sheets that need changing, floors that need sweeping, a carpet that might tear up at any moment (if it were possible) due to its longing to be vacuumed, and kitchen counters that could use a simple scrubbing but my eyes are heavy just thinking about it. This is the worst one of them all, I’m too tired to sleep. I lay down and close my eyes but the pictures of the exhausting scenes just keep replaying behind my eyelids. And sleep evades me. There are things in one’s life that one should just let go, let be, save until tomorrow. But there are times in one’s life when tomorrow looms and looks grave and those things that should be let go cling like shackles.

I generally enjoy cleaning my home. I generally like to wake up each morning. I generally will read a book during any free moment I find. This week doesn’t fit in with generally and it’s exhausting.

Proverbs 12:25 Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression (I just found this… I guess I need to try a bit harder to let all the little things go (but I’m afraid I’m not sure how))

P.S. You can pray for me if you’d like. The depression will leave, but sooner would be better than later.

44. Joya – Gem, Jew, Precious, Wonderful
45. Casi – almost, nearly