I don’t want to, Day 62

I was wondering today: what if you could choose to always desire exactly what everyone around you desired? I’m not suggesting you want the same thing they want so that they’re unable to have it but rather that you would be constantly in agreement with others. For example I get frustrated with Jesse all the time not because he disagrees with me but because I want him to want the same thing that I do. If I want to go for a walk I don’t want him to just go along because it’s my desire to walk, I want him to desire to walk as well. I constantly “go along for the ride” so to speak. If there’s a concert I have NO desire to attend I’ll attend it just because Jesse wants to. I wish I could want to attend the show the same as he does though.


I appreciate that Jesus prayed, Father if this cup may pass… but your will be done. Jesus did not want to go through with it but he did want what his Father wanted. It seems sort of contradicting, he didn’t want to do what God had planned, but he did want to do what God had planned. I don’t like to go to certain concerts or movies with Jesse but I do like to do what Jesse does. I don’t like to resist my sinful nature but I do wish to do what God has planned. “If this cup may pass,” is awesome. Even Jesus didn’t really want to do it. But he did. He struggled and then he did what was right. I guess it’s ok to struggle. It’s ok to not want to. It doesn’t feel ok but It’s ok to look sin in the face and then say no. Temptation, pride, selfishness, anger, frustration, anxiety, hate even; when they come knocking that doesn’t mean I’m an awful person. But I do need to lock the door, tell them to go away, and then I need to do my Father’s will.

I saw probably two brothers walking home from school today. The older held tightly onto the little ones shoulder as the little one pulled away to no avail. What if the older boy were to just let the little do as he wished? They may have never made it home. He was probably just bullying him but there’s a chance that the big brother was protecting the little one by not seeing things his way.

I have such need for a perspective shift.