I think this is Day 200

I feel like all I've been thinking about lately is myself. My mind has been focused on my health, my home, my family, my finances, and my state of mind. As of late I've been noticing myself becoming more and more repulsed by people. I have no patience for the shoppers at Meijer lately. The youth hanging around the water front almost make me not want to have children. People at church even, they seem so surface, so distant, I don't even want to say hi.

I spent close to a year praying for Guatemala and preparing myself to go. Almost everyday I would pray for the people there and the ministry workers who live there. I read the Bible quite diligently seeking God and hoping to grow, hoping to aquire more that I might be able to offer to the mission, to Guatemala. In preparing to love those people my eyes would find compassion daily for people here in my world.

Lately I feel empty. I'm having difficulty finding a reason to pick up the Bible. I can't stand people. I'm always tired and I haven't got a very good reason to push through... other than the simple selfish act of becoming a better me. Right now I don't even want to become a better me. I know I'm overly exauhsted at present and I'm having an intense caffine battle (after having guzzled a million sodas while trying to make it through last weeks 5 work days). But I am just being honest. I honestly don't like people right now and I honestly feel a little empty. I know there's nothing I could "have" that would make the situation any better but something is missing.

I want to work in an orphanage!