I am victorious. I have won one of the fights. I no longer war with myself over purchasing or not purchasing items. I have fully arrived at this place where my head and my heart are in agreement over the matter of necessity. That’s not to say that I don’t desire every now and again. But I’m no longer fighting with myself over every other great clearance deal I walk past. I see it. I think, “That’s a good deal,” and then I walk away knowing that I don’t need it. I honestly think that I used to purchase someTHING ever single day when I got out of work. I’d get groceries and a THING. Now it’s hard for me to even believe that to have been true, but I know it is. I did.
There were MANY times past when I’d be depressed or I’d have a really bad day and this urge, this overwhelming desire to acquire would rise up and overtake me. I would need to go to the mall, to buy new shoes, or something neat for the house, or a movie… something; I would need to buy something. The more something’s I bought the more satisfied I’d feel. I cannot remember the last time I had a battle like that.
I’ve fought. I’ve told the screaming child to just be still and behave. I’ve said no to hundreds of neat items and great deals and now I can honestly say I’ve won. I can say no, easily. I can comprehend necessity AND my heart understands the truth of the matter.
While I rejoice in the reality of this revelation of victory I realize an additional three things:
1. If I stay the course I will remain the conqueror. But if I forget my past struggles and fall back into the norm; If I casually give into the little urges, the little urges will get stronger and I will find myself back where I began.
2. This is only ONE battle won. There are many many more fights to keep fighting and I’m unable to let my guard down.
3. This is proof that discipline works. If you stay the course, resist long enough and continue to stand strong, you will get strong and the battle will eventually cease.
Past Blogs about my battle, Day 9
Bordered by Frogs, Day 35
Day 41
For he had great possessions, Day 51
Tank top, t-shirt, shorts, Day 104
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Through your blog and my $10 allowance I have also sort of come to the place you are at. I had a really bad day the other day and I thought I need to go shopping and buy myself something and I will be happy. But when I looked at stuff, I though if I buy that I am still going to be sad and then I will have this thing that I will probably give to Goodwill next year. I hope this continues after I go back to work and have more money.
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