But that we respect time is one thing; that we submit to it is another. In the mode of being, we respect time, but we do not submit to it. In the being mode, time is dethroned; it is no longer the idol that rules our life. -Erich Fromm
Most guys are single minded. My husband is constantly thinking about music. There are times when he doesn’t hear me speaking to him because the music in his head is too loud. One of my dear friends was married to an artist. Her husband thought, slept, and ate art. His every focus was on painting, painting methods, painting materials, other painters, ect; I’m surprised the guy remembered to dress himself each morning. Most men are capable of focusing on only one thing at a time and generally they put all of their energy into that one thing. Jesse can’t even comprehend why I have silverware or cups in the sink while I’m washing the plates. Obviously they need to soak so that later they’ll be much easier and quicker to clean. But to him later doesn’t really even exist. If it’s plate time, it’s plate time… the silverware doesn’t belong during plate time.
For me plate time isn’t plate time, plate time is actually silverware time and cup time and laundry time and kitchen floor time and dinner making time and I’ll even be thinking about the book I’ve been reading during all of this time. I’m a woman. I’m a multi-tasker. I’m practically incapable of focusing on only one thing. This morning I’ve been trying to clean my house but I couldn’t stop thinking about writing this blog and so here I sit. Additionally as I cleaned I was thinking about sewing and reading and my priorities list and traveling and the budget. My mind doesn’t focus and unfortunately as much as I appreciate the ability to comprehend that the silverware will need to be washed next and soaking it while washing the plates is beneficial I can’t stand my inability to FOCUS.
Sometimes I wish I had the male attribute of singularity so that I could more effectively utilize my time. While thinking about everything imaginable this morning and slightly driving myself insane with the inability to choose thee most important task I kept wishing for this ability to “more effectively utilize my time.”
Alas, now I have a problem with my desire to “utilize my time.” First of all “my” time doesn’t belong to me. That in itself is a having thing. Every moment I experience is simply a moment passing, a moment being lived. No moment should or could or will ever belong to me. The idea that we HAVE time in itself is so self centered. God placed us here and controls the motion of our lives, time is not mine. Taking this into consideration I’d have to desire to more effectively “utilize time.” But there’s my problem ultimately. The most single minded of men, the musicians, the artist, the sports enthusiasts (I had to throw that in there for you Jessica) they don’t’ seem to notice time at all. They really live in the being mode of existence. Time isn’t usually a factor for them. Time ceases to exist because to them a moment isn’t a moment but rather life is just life. They are so focused on that one thing, thee most important thing that they don’t really exist in time. Time is for the multi-tasker. Time is for the person with an agenda, with lists, and deadlines. Time exists for us women who compartmentalize our lives into boxes with neat little rooms. I know this is a huge generalization but it’s generally true.
So here I am once again fighting my urge to control time. Here I am once again forgetting to live and trying to conquer life. Only, I am a woman and I do not know how to focus. There has to be a huge plus side to this dilemma, right? Ok, back to cleaning and thinking and cleaning and…
Consider the lilies how they grow: they toil not, they spin not; and yet I say unto you, that Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Luke 12:27
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