There's a scripture in Romans where Paul goes back and forth about how what he wants to do he doesn't actually do and the things he doesn't want to do those things he does. I feel like that's the story of my life. I always set my mind to things but generally myself doesn't follow what my mind was set to.
I've been trying so very hard to be healthy and to have a positive attitude because I know how much those things mean to Jesse. Currently I CANNOT stop thinking about pizza and ice cream and I'm ridiculously depressed and unmotivated. I've been trying to not spend money (priority number two: get out of debt) and all these expensive things keep coming up... like three birthday parties in one week. I've been trying to take care of my home and I think I've pretty much succeeded in killing my front lawn... no joke.
There isn't enough time in a day. There's too much work to be done. I haven't enough energy. And all of my strongest desires don't align with my impulses. Right now at this very moment I feel like I'm losing my mind a little bit... but I haven't read the Bible in who knows how long. I tend to get like this when that happens.
I want pizza sooo badly right now… that little chubby girl inside of me is screaming at the top of her lungs for PIZZA… NOW!!!
For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do. If, then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that it is good. But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice.
Rom 7:15-19
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