The cautious, the having persons enjoy security, yet by necessity they are very insecure. They depend on what they have: money, prestige, their ego... but what becomes of them if they lose what the have?
Erich Fromm
The past three or so days I've felt this impending doom hanging over me. It seems to be attached to everything. I took photos for a family and every feeling attached to the entire event was that of failure. I've been very unseltteled about my job. Meijer is sort of "restructuring" and no one ever knows quite whats instore when that happens. I haven't been sleeping well (I dont usually) and I've been tired, with no motivation or desire to do anything. My fridge is empty but I don't want to spend MORE money (that we don't really have in the first place) to fill it and I'm sick of all the food I make so I can't think of anything to fill it with but it's depressing to open it and see all it's bright naked inards. I haven't written a blog in 2 days because I just feel like I haven't any words. There are ideas and thoughts swimming around in here but I don't have any words. I am truly at a loss.
I read the above quote by Erich Fromm 2 days ago. I love it, but it envokes a tremendous amount of anxiety in me. My home, my job, my vehicle, my family... there's so much security in what I have but EVERYTHING is temporary. Every moment needs to matter. Everything I do should be done with purpose, with meaning, with joy, with life. I'm not saying I want to conqure the world but I do want to live, to fully live during each moment. These past few days I haven't been living at all. I've been in this sad place of trying to hold onto the few scraps that I have, that place where I don't want any new doors to open for fear of the unknown. Like it'd be better to curl up into a ball and sit in a warm corner, basically not existing, then to face life not knowing.
I guess, technically, that'd be called a spout of depression. I've learned to just walk through the spouts, they don't last. But right now, my goodness I feel weak and tired. I'm ready for spring in Michigan. Ideally, not looking forward, living RIGHT NOW is what I'm trying to do here. So I guess spring will be nice but I'm gonna try and make the most of whats left of winter.
Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.
James 1:2-3
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
A Frost Bitten Day 32
Yesterday the hills sang and today the snowflakes danced. Beneath the monochrome grey sky tiny twirling tornados of snow frolicked in circles next to the shivering trees, across the frozen roadways, and over cowardly vehicles slowly passing by. In the frigid winter temperatures 22 degrees below freezing natures waltz continued unabashed. Beautiful!
From the chamber of the south comes the whirlwind and cold from the scattering winds of the north. By the breath of God frost is given, and the broad waters are frozen. Hearken unto this… stand still, and consider the wondrous works of God.
Job 37: 9, 10, 14
From the chamber of the south comes the whirlwind and cold from the scattering winds of the north. By the breath of God frost is given, and the broad waters are frozen. Hearken unto this… stand still, and consider the wondrous works of God.
Job 37: 9, 10, 14
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
There’s music in the hills, Day 31
Lately I’ve been utterly enraptured by the verse from Isaiah that I posted to my Day 23 blog. Concerning the word of the Lord being sent forth God says, “The mountains and the hills shall break forth into singing before you, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.”
Before anything else, I’m delighted at the way God, my heavenly Father, the creator of everything; I’m overcome by His description of the hills singing and the trees clapping their hands. I think this picture is beautiful and I don’t know about you but I don’t usually view God as the kind of guy that would find felicity in singing hills and clapping trees. But He is and that makes my heart leap with joy and fills me entirely with warmth.
Additionally, the description in itself of creation rejoicing, singing and dancing, sending forth praises even is awesome. I was looking at the trees and all the tiny hills as I drove around today. They caused me to smile giddily over and over again. I started to wonder if they’re singing and clapping most of the time and I just haven’t noticed. I thought of the birds singing their heavenly songs in the mountains; the leaves fluttering against each other in the wind. I imagine creation rejoices most often at the majesty of its creator. We’re the ones who forget to honor Him. Today was a splendid day, watching the trees trying to clap their hands without any leaves and listening for the songs of the hills. Today was splendid.
I am led to believe that if I took a bit more time to stop and listen, if I opened my eyes to it, I’d be witness to a grand celebration all around me.
The whole multitude began to rejoice and praise God with a loud voice… saying: "blessed is the King who comes in the name of the LORD! Peace in heaven and glory in the highest!" And some of the Pharisees called to Him from the crowd, "Teacher, rebuke Your disciples." But He answered and said to them, "I tell you that if these should keep silent, the stones would immediately cry out."
Luke 19:37-40
Before anything else, I’m delighted at the way God, my heavenly Father, the creator of everything; I’m overcome by His description of the hills singing and the trees clapping their hands. I think this picture is beautiful and I don’t know about you but I don’t usually view God as the kind of guy that would find felicity in singing hills and clapping trees. But He is and that makes my heart leap with joy and fills me entirely with warmth.
Additionally, the description in itself of creation rejoicing, singing and dancing, sending forth praises even is awesome. I was looking at the trees and all the tiny hills as I drove around today. They caused me to smile giddily over and over again. I started to wonder if they’re singing and clapping most of the time and I just haven’t noticed. I thought of the birds singing their heavenly songs in the mountains; the leaves fluttering against each other in the wind. I imagine creation rejoices most often at the majesty of its creator. We’re the ones who forget to honor Him. Today was a splendid day, watching the trees trying to clap their hands without any leaves and listening for the songs of the hills. Today was splendid.
I am led to believe that if I took a bit more time to stop and listen, if I opened my eyes to it, I’d be witness to a grand celebration all around me.
The whole multitude began to rejoice and praise God with a loud voice… saying: "blessed is the King who comes in the name of the LORD! Peace in heaven and glory in the highest!" And some of the Pharisees called to Him from the crowd, "Teacher, rebuke Your disciples." But He answered and said to them, "I tell you that if these should keep silent, the stones would immediately cry out."
Luke 19:37-40
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Distraction, Day 30
The way to being is penetration through the surface and insight into reality.
-Erich Fromm
The last few days I’ve been so distracted by everyday activities; working, cleaning, exercising. I haven’t found time to read. I haven’t made time to pray. I haven’t been focusing each moment on increasing, growing, changing, being. I’ve noticed that the spark, the glow, the life I’ve been enjoying for close to a month now hasn’t been there. I’ve been tired, weak, and my will power is practically non existent. Possibly I just need a good nights sleep; 10 hours uninterrupted. But I think that no matter what my circumstances are, the whole point to this venture I’m on is learning to live life every moment every day, no exceptions, no requirements. Maybe I’ve been unknowingly existing in the having mode these past few days. I’m not sure. I do however intend to change matters.
It’s interesting, one of the last things I read in Erich Fromm’s book, “To have or to be,” was the section that talks about activity. He spends a reasonable amount of time explaining how one can be extremely active but not living, not growing, not increasing, not changing; they’re just busy, just moving really. Their body is active but not the living person in that body. And yet someone can be extremely idle, just sitting, reflecting, not moving a muscle and can be increasing, growing, changing; truly they are living, they are “being” alive. I’ve been the former these past few days. I’ve been so busy, so active, and yet as far from living as I’d ever wish to be.
Martha was distracted with much serving
Luke 10:40
(this is ridiculously coincidental, I was looking up the word distraction in the Bible which I only found in 1 verse, however a root of that word, aperispastōs: distraction, led me to this scripture with the word perispaō: to draw around, or to draw away. Martha was drawn away with much serving)
-Erich Fromm
The last few days I’ve been so distracted by everyday activities; working, cleaning, exercising. I haven’t found time to read. I haven’t made time to pray. I haven’t been focusing each moment on increasing, growing, changing, being. I’ve noticed that the spark, the glow, the life I’ve been enjoying for close to a month now hasn’t been there. I’ve been tired, weak, and my will power is practically non existent. Possibly I just need a good nights sleep; 10 hours uninterrupted. But I think that no matter what my circumstances are, the whole point to this venture I’m on is learning to live life every moment every day, no exceptions, no requirements. Maybe I’ve been unknowingly existing in the having mode these past few days. I’m not sure. I do however intend to change matters.
It’s interesting, one of the last things I read in Erich Fromm’s book, “To have or to be,” was the section that talks about activity. He spends a reasonable amount of time explaining how one can be extremely active but not living, not growing, not increasing, not changing; they’re just busy, just moving really. Their body is active but not the living person in that body. And yet someone can be extremely idle, just sitting, reflecting, not moving a muscle and can be increasing, growing, changing; truly they are living, they are “being” alive. I’ve been the former these past few days. I’ve been so busy, so active, and yet as far from living as I’d ever wish to be.
Martha was distracted with much serving
Luke 10:40
(this is ridiculously coincidental, I was looking up the word distraction in the Bible which I only found in 1 verse, however a root of that word, aperispastōs: distraction, led me to this scripture with the word perispaō: to draw around, or to draw away. Martha was drawn away with much serving)
Tears in my Coffee, Day 29
Not to move forward, to stay where we are, to regress, in other words to rely on what we have, is very tempting, for what we have, we know; we can hold onto it, feel secure in it.
-Erich Fromm
To have OR to be?
In 29 days I haven’t bought one single thing. I’ve bought food and cleaning supplies but no things, nothing to increase my having existence. I haven’t however given up coffee yet. I planned to cut it out by February 1st which is drawing rapidly nearer and causing me to tremble. I was thinking about this grand plan of mine and questioning its relevance. I enjoy coffee. Why would I want to remove something from my life which adds so much richness to it? Literally, sitting with a cup of a coffee and any book is one of the most enjoyable things I can think of; the calm, the peace, the heavenly aroma, the warmth, the information, the increase; ahhh… So I’m trying to convince myself to overthrow my grand plan and I remember that I’m missing the point. The point isn’t finding joy; the point is finding joy in living aside from things. In this having existence we really do NEED things in order to find that maximum happiness. But if those things are taken away there’s this sad void (I see it coming with my boycott of coffee). We become less because of the loss, and this is precisely what I’m attempting to escape. Why should anyTHING, coffee included, be responsible for who I am?
The young man said to Him… what do I still lack? Jesus said to him, "If you wish to be complete, go {and} sell your possessions and give to {the} poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me."
Matt 19:20-21
-Erich Fromm
To have OR to be?
In 29 days I haven’t bought one single thing. I’ve bought food and cleaning supplies but no things, nothing to increase my having existence. I haven’t however given up coffee yet. I planned to cut it out by February 1st which is drawing rapidly nearer and causing me to tremble. I was thinking about this grand plan of mine and questioning its relevance. I enjoy coffee. Why would I want to remove something from my life which adds so much richness to it? Literally, sitting with a cup of a coffee and any book is one of the most enjoyable things I can think of; the calm, the peace, the heavenly aroma, the warmth, the information, the increase; ahhh… So I’m trying to convince myself to overthrow my grand plan and I remember that I’m missing the point. The point isn’t finding joy; the point is finding joy in living aside from things. In this having existence we really do NEED things in order to find that maximum happiness. But if those things are taken away there’s this sad void (I see it coming with my boycott of coffee). We become less because of the loss, and this is precisely what I’m attempting to escape. Why should anyTHING, coffee included, be responsible for who I am?
The young man said to Him… what do I still lack? Jesus said to him, "If you wish to be complete, go {and} sell your possessions and give to {the} poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me."
Matt 19:20-21
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Intimacy is to Precede Fruitfulness, Day 28
I’m reluctantly and critically reading another “Christian” book right now. I was given this book by a friend and am determined to read it but I haven’t touched it for several days. Last night I forced myself to sit down with it after Jesse went to bed. I’m reading with this doubting spirit, questioning every words about 20 different ways in my head as I take each in. I can’t say that I found any error biblically. I was looking for it and waiting for it but I wasn’t seeing it. I was pushing through, staying myself; read, read, read, K..ee..p on re…ad…in…g. Oh, it was torture. THEN, all the little stories and the repetitiveness that this guy had been putting me through flowered into something wonderful. “The Great Commandment to love God and to love others is a call to intimacy; the Great Commission to go and make disciples is a call to fruitfulness. Intimacy is to precede fruitfulness. The Great Commandment is to precede the Great Commission and is an inseparable part of it.” Jack Frost
Word for word that is what I’ve been learning lately. That is exactly what God has been trying to teach me. Love first. You have to love then operate in love. I have been, 100 percent missing the love part of my faith and religion for decades. I’ve just been operating. Possibly even worse so I’ve been missing out on the love of God. Anyone could have told me this 3 weeks ago, possibly even 3 days ago, and I would have laughed in their face the most ridiculing, defensive, arrogant laugh they would have ever heard.
My sister blogged today "your treasure makes your heart and your heart makes your words and your words make your life" and I’m like YEAH!!! Practically my entire life I’ve been striving for righteousness. I’ve known for practically ever that I need to let God be the one in control BUT practically forever I’ve been trying to take over. It’s been such a struggle I’ve faced for so long. (now like a new born baby I’ve got to learn how to live a life of not being in control) Just like Starr said, I think my treasure was the righteousness and possibly even more so my treasure was me obtaining righteousness. The problem with that is, like I said before, I can’t be righteous. It’s not possible.
I’ve been trying to think of a good way to explain what I mean especially since the error wasn’t in what I was doing but in my heart condition during the process. Here’s a story. We went to Guatemala. There were many services where we taught people about God. We prayed for people with afflictions after the services. I was always so full of hope and fear when someone would approach me for prayer. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that God was capable of healing all of these people. So I would pray for them hoping, sometimes even believing, and usually I SAW nothing. Once, the speaker called me specifically to pray for a little girl with a bad leg. I had to step out infront of everyone, walk up to her at front, and I prayed over her. I was terrified that nothing would happen. And nothing happened. In my mind I thought, I didn’t have the right words, I didn’t spend enough time with God prior to this moment, I didn’t have enough faith, I should have fasted more, ect, ect, ect; Almost every thought imaginable went through my head as to what “I DID” wrong. I went back to Ron’s and lay in bed and fasted lunch. I was striving even more for that miracle. I was praying and praying and mentally beating myself. You know what I did wrong; I was trying to use MY Jesus power in order that I might heal them. I really think this is the case. I was trying SOOO hard. I was superbly Martha-ing it up. I was working, serving, trying, and controlling the situation to the extent that I don’t think I was leaving any room for Jesus.
The Great Commandment, LOVE is to precede the Great Commission. I can’t look at the stuff behind the window. There isn’t a ladder tall enough to reach it. Mary chose the one good thing. Your treasure makes your heart. It’s all falling together so beautifully. I wasn’t created to save the world. I was created to love God, and then to offer the love He extends to me to others. And that’s it.
Jesus said to him, “‘you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’
Matt 22:37-39
Word for word that is what I’ve been learning lately. That is exactly what God has been trying to teach me. Love first. You have to love then operate in love. I have been, 100 percent missing the love part of my faith and religion for decades. I’ve just been operating. Possibly even worse so I’ve been missing out on the love of God. Anyone could have told me this 3 weeks ago, possibly even 3 days ago, and I would have laughed in their face the most ridiculing, defensive, arrogant laugh they would have ever heard.
My sister blogged today "your treasure makes your heart and your heart makes your words and your words make your life" and I’m like YEAH!!! Practically my entire life I’ve been striving for righteousness. I’ve known for practically ever that I need to let God be the one in control BUT practically forever I’ve been trying to take over. It’s been such a struggle I’ve faced for so long. (now like a new born baby I’ve got to learn how to live a life of not being in control) Just like Starr said, I think my treasure was the righteousness and possibly even more so my treasure was me obtaining righteousness. The problem with that is, like I said before, I can’t be righteous. It’s not possible.
I’ve been trying to think of a good way to explain what I mean especially since the error wasn’t in what I was doing but in my heart condition during the process. Here’s a story. We went to Guatemala. There were many services where we taught people about God. We prayed for people with afflictions after the services. I was always so full of hope and fear when someone would approach me for prayer. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that God was capable of healing all of these people. So I would pray for them hoping, sometimes even believing, and usually I SAW nothing. Once, the speaker called me specifically to pray for a little girl with a bad leg. I had to step out infront of everyone, walk up to her at front, and I prayed over her. I was terrified that nothing would happen. And nothing happened. In my mind I thought, I didn’t have the right words, I didn’t spend enough time with God prior to this moment, I didn’t have enough faith, I should have fasted more, ect, ect, ect; Almost every thought imaginable went through my head as to what “I DID” wrong. I went back to Ron’s and lay in bed and fasted lunch. I was striving even more for that miracle. I was praying and praying and mentally beating myself. You know what I did wrong; I was trying to use MY Jesus power in order that I might heal them. I really think this is the case. I was trying SOOO hard. I was superbly Martha-ing it up. I was working, serving, trying, and controlling the situation to the extent that I don’t think I was leaving any room for Jesus.
The Great Commandment, LOVE is to precede the Great Commission. I can’t look at the stuff behind the window. There isn’t a ladder tall enough to reach it. Mary chose the one good thing. Your treasure makes your heart. It’s all falling together so beautifully. I wasn’t created to save the world. I was created to love God, and then to offer the love He extends to me to others. And that’s it.
Jesus said to him, “‘you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’
Matt 22:37-39
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Aletheia, Day 27
For Him [Aristotle] the highest form of activity- even above political activity- is the contemplative life, devoted to the search for truth.
-Erich Fromm
I wonder how many people actually care about truth. How many people desire it, crave it? I think a lot of people are just looking for a fix, something to make them feel good, or to massage their egos. I think a lot of people do not want to know the truth. Truth is absolute. I believe this. There is only one truth. It wouldn’t be truth if there were differences to it. However I think a million lifetimes wouldn’t be enough to discover it all.
I love that the great thinkers spent their lives in search of truth. This may seem contradictory but I don’t know that I'm so impressed by what they came to find, but the process in which they journeyed to it. The contemplative life… I love this. A life lived searching for, pondering, studying, discovering, and dissecting truth.
I’ve begun journeying down this path. I’ve yet many MANY things to let go of in order to journey as far upon it as I wish. It seems sacrifice is essential to finding who you really are. But thus far the journey has been magnificent. I’ve been reading, reflecting, praying, reading, thinking, praying, ect; and I feel more alive and increased this past month than ever before. The air is fresher. The sun is brighter. Life is enormous, splendid, and beautiful. I’m finding that what I’ve been craving is not so much things to be had or consumed but rather thought; I crave truth, revelation, and most of all to be with my creator.
I am look forward to life.
"But when the Helper comes, whom I shall send to you from the Father, the Spirit of truth who proceeds from the Father, He will testify of Me.”
John 15:26
-Erich Fromm
I wonder how many people actually care about truth. How many people desire it, crave it? I think a lot of people are just looking for a fix, something to make them feel good, or to massage their egos. I think a lot of people do not want to know the truth. Truth is absolute. I believe this. There is only one truth. It wouldn’t be truth if there were differences to it. However I think a million lifetimes wouldn’t be enough to discover it all.
I love that the great thinkers spent their lives in search of truth. This may seem contradictory but I don’t know that I'm so impressed by what they came to find, but the process in which they journeyed to it. The contemplative life… I love this. A life lived searching for, pondering, studying, discovering, and dissecting truth.
I’ve begun journeying down this path. I’ve yet many MANY things to let go of in order to journey as far upon it as I wish. It seems sacrifice is essential to finding who you really are. But thus far the journey has been magnificent. I’ve been reading, reflecting, praying, reading, thinking, praying, ect; and I feel more alive and increased this past month than ever before. The air is fresher. The sun is brighter. Life is enormous, splendid, and beautiful. I’m finding that what I’ve been craving is not so much things to be had or consumed but rather thought; I crave truth, revelation, and most of all to be with my creator.
I am look forward to life.
"But when the Helper comes, whom I shall send to you from the Father, the Spirit of truth who proceeds from the Father, He will testify of Me.”
John 15:26
Friday, January 22, 2010
Heart, Day 26
My character structure, the true motivation of my behavior, constitutes my real being.
-Erich Fromm
I think its the Michigan winter but I've been SOOO tired lately. I think and think and think all day and by the time I get home from work I have a difficult time thinking any longer. It's been wonderful, spending lots of time with God, thinking, meditating even on truth and life. I feel full. I'm sort of bursting at the seams right now which is making writing very difficult for me.
This morning I was again reminded of Martha and Mary in the scriptures; loving vs. serving. The same lesson rings true over and over again but it is getting to be very bare bones for me. I'm realizing that I need to have a heart like Mary even while I'm praying, even while I'm reading the Word, even while I'm searching for truth. Without love... meaningless.
The condition of your heart is what makes everything you do what it is. You can do the same exact thing two times with two different heart conditions and that duplicate act will be entirely different both times. I believe that you can know everything in your head, I mean you can be sure, convinced, determined but your heart can still be on a totally different page. I think the ultimate task for a human being is to not only discover the truth but to then teach that truth to the heart. I'm only realizing more and more how wounded and decieved and confused our hearts are. Someone can really be heart broken, heart sick, heartless even.
I'm totally rambling. Good-nite.
one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.
Luke 10:42
-Erich Fromm
I think its the Michigan winter but I've been SOOO tired lately. I think and think and think all day and by the time I get home from work I have a difficult time thinking any longer. It's been wonderful, spending lots of time with God, thinking, meditating even on truth and life. I feel full. I'm sort of bursting at the seams right now which is making writing very difficult for me.
This morning I was again reminded of Martha and Mary in the scriptures; loving vs. serving. The same lesson rings true over and over again but it is getting to be very bare bones for me. I'm realizing that I need to have a heart like Mary even while I'm praying, even while I'm reading the Word, even while I'm searching for truth. Without love... meaningless.
The condition of your heart is what makes everything you do what it is. You can do the same exact thing two times with two different heart conditions and that duplicate act will be entirely different both times. I believe that you can know everything in your head, I mean you can be sure, convinced, determined but your heart can still be on a totally different page. I think the ultimate task for a human being is to not only discover the truth but to then teach that truth to the heart. I'm only realizing more and more how wounded and decieved and confused our hearts are. Someone can really be heart broken, heart sick, heartless even.
I'm totally rambling. Good-nite.
one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.
Luke 10:42
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Day 25
I have all these different ideas swirling around in my head. Then I get tired and I can't remember anything.
I want to share my newest thoughts about faith. I'm really struggling to put the right words to it.
I have to leave it at that. Good-nite
I want to share my newest thoughts about faith. I'm really struggling to put the right words to it.
I have to leave it at that. Good-nite
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Mass Destruction of all Ladders, Day 24
Because you do not need a ladder to get to God.
I am still really excited about yesterday’s post (which I think I posted this morning). I started this quest in search of freedom and yesterday I consumed a deliciously scrumptious cake of it. I’ve always thought that if I prayed just enough, if I had just the right words, if I read the Bible as often as I should, if I knew more scriptures; I’ve been trying to be righteous all of my life. But I can’t make me righteous. I AM RIGHTEOUS because of Jesus!
My constant striving to find a tall enough ladder, one that just might make it to righteousness, was no better than the fools who constructed the tower of Babel. I get that now. I think I really get it. God created me to LOVE and I was created so that He might Love me too. Throw all the ladders away, trying to give enough money to the church, trying to watch the right movies, trying to always say the right words; my hands aren’t right-eous. My ways aren’t God’s ways. Love. Love. Love. (If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing) That’s it!
It’s not that I was doing anything wrong before. But I was doing everything with the wrong heart. I was striving to earn God’s love. I realize now, my entire life I’ve been trying to save myself. Only, Jesus saved me about 2000 years ago. There is so much freedom in that. Yummy!
For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the GIFT of God…
Eph 2:8
I am still really excited about yesterday’s post (which I think I posted this morning). I started this quest in search of freedom and yesterday I consumed a deliciously scrumptious cake of it. I’ve always thought that if I prayed just enough, if I had just the right words, if I read the Bible as often as I should, if I knew more scriptures; I’ve been trying to be righteous all of my life. But I can’t make me righteous. I AM RIGHTEOUS because of Jesus!
My constant striving to find a tall enough ladder, one that just might make it to righteousness, was no better than the fools who constructed the tower of Babel. I get that now. I think I really get it. God created me to LOVE and I was created so that He might Love me too. Throw all the ladders away, trying to give enough money to the church, trying to watch the right movies, trying to always say the right words; my hands aren’t right-eous. My ways aren’t God’s ways. Love. Love. Love. (If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing) That’s it!
It’s not that I was doing anything wrong before. But I was doing everything with the wrong heart. I was striving to earn God’s love. I realize now, my entire life I’ve been trying to save myself. Only, Jesus saved me about 2000 years ago. There is so much freedom in that. Yummy!
For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the GIFT of God…
Eph 2:8
Looking for a Ladder, Day 23
This morning I was praying for Guatemala and desiring so adamantly to return. I think my favorite thing to do while I was there was to pray. I remember vividly the visions God gave me while I walked along monte flor praying. I saw an amazing future ahead for the people of Chichicastenango. I saw the orphan homes that would be built on monte flor. I saw freedom, joy, peace, fruits of the spirit in abundance for the beautiful people who live there. As I thought back to these visions and the hope and the joy that flooded my heart while the Lord revealed them to me I remembered my unrelenting faith for those things to occur. I believed beyond a shadow of a doubt that the things I saw would definitely come to pass. As I prayed this morning I paused for a second to ask God, “why don’t I have faith like that here, at home, everyday?” In an instant I had my answer.
Once while I worshiped I saw a window in the sky. Everything I’d ever longed for, dreamed of, and hoped for was piled behind the window. In that moment, viewing my dreams trapped behind a window I couldn’t reach I felt so helpless and destitute. I asked God why, “why are all these out of my reach?” He very clearly said, “I have shown you these things so that you may know what I am going to do for you. Do not focus on the blessings, focus on Me.” Such relief and release was realized all at once. I tried desperately for sometime after that to keep my focus on God. However in doing so I was always thinking about my blessings, thinking about concentrating on Him and how that would bring about blessing. I missed the point. I was still trying to reach the window, only now I was trying to reach it by “working” on my relationship with God.
While I was praying in Guatemala I was focusing on God, just talking to Him, and listening to Him, and my heart was positioned to Love. I wasn’t asking for anything specifically. I wasn’t hoping for anything specifically. I was just hanging out with God and extending my heart in Love for the people of Guatemala. While I spent time with Him He showed me His plans, the things He was going to do. I wasn’t having to operate in faith for something I was desiring, or a plan I was proposing to God. It was easy to believe that God would do what He planned to do. That was my answer. At home when I’m looking at those things behind the window and trying so hard to reach them however I can think of, it’s difficult to have faith because I’m trying to accomplish my own plans, my own way, and I’ve pretty much taken God out of the picture. Sure I tell Him what I want and then I ask Him to help me, but He and I both know that as soon as I’ve completed that step I start searching for ladder so that I can do it myself.
I love LOVE love Isaiah 55:7-12. The Lord makes it SOOO clear that He has everything under control. His plans are perfect. His ways are awesome. When His plans are in work the mountains and the hills break forth into singing and all the trees of the field clap their hands. It very clearly says that our ways aren’t God’s ways. So, I think I need to let Him work. I think I need to look away from that darn window. And I think faith isn’t quite so complicated as I’ve been making it out to be. I mean God’s gonna do what He’s gonna do. I can’t really ask for more than that.
Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the LORD, and He will have mercy on him; and to our God, for He will abundantly pardon. "For My thoughts [are] not your thoughts, nor [are] your ways My ways," says the LORD. "For [as] the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts." For as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven, And do not return there, but water the earth, and make it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; It shall not return to Me void, but it shall accomplish what I please, and it shall prosper [in the thing] for which I sent it. "For you shall go out with joy, and be led out with peace; The mountains and the hills shall break forth into singing before you, and all the trees of the field shall clap [their] hands.
Is. 55: 7-12
Once while I worshiped I saw a window in the sky. Everything I’d ever longed for, dreamed of, and hoped for was piled behind the window. In that moment, viewing my dreams trapped behind a window I couldn’t reach I felt so helpless and destitute. I asked God why, “why are all these out of my reach?” He very clearly said, “I have shown you these things so that you may know what I am going to do for you. Do not focus on the blessings, focus on Me.” Such relief and release was realized all at once. I tried desperately for sometime after that to keep my focus on God. However in doing so I was always thinking about my blessings, thinking about concentrating on Him and how that would bring about blessing. I missed the point. I was still trying to reach the window, only now I was trying to reach it by “working” on my relationship with God.
While I was praying in Guatemala I was focusing on God, just talking to Him, and listening to Him, and my heart was positioned to Love. I wasn’t asking for anything specifically. I wasn’t hoping for anything specifically. I was just hanging out with God and extending my heart in Love for the people of Guatemala. While I spent time with Him He showed me His plans, the things He was going to do. I wasn’t having to operate in faith for something I was desiring, or a plan I was proposing to God. It was easy to believe that God would do what He planned to do. That was my answer. At home when I’m looking at those things behind the window and trying so hard to reach them however I can think of, it’s difficult to have faith because I’m trying to accomplish my own plans, my own way, and I’ve pretty much taken God out of the picture. Sure I tell Him what I want and then I ask Him to help me, but He and I both know that as soon as I’ve completed that step I start searching for ladder so that I can do it myself.
I love LOVE love Isaiah 55:7-12. The Lord makes it SOOO clear that He has everything under control. His plans are perfect. His ways are awesome. When His plans are in work the mountains and the hills break forth into singing and all the trees of the field clap their hands. It very clearly says that our ways aren’t God’s ways. So, I think I need to let Him work. I think I need to look away from that darn window. And I think faith isn’t quite so complicated as I’ve been making it out to be. I mean God’s gonna do what He’s gonna do. I can’t really ask for more than that.
Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the LORD, and He will have mercy on him; and to our God, for He will abundantly pardon. "For My thoughts [are] not your thoughts, nor [are] your ways My ways," says the LORD. "For [as] the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts." For as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven, And do not return there, but water the earth, and make it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; It shall not return to Me void, but it shall accomplish what I please, and it shall prosper [in the thing] for which I sent it. "For you shall go out with joy, and be led out with peace; The mountains and the hills shall break forth into singing before you, and all the trees of the field shall clap [their] hands.
Is. 55: 7-12
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Breath, Day 22
I long to awake with a joy and grand expectancy for breathing the breath of God. That this act alone would be the thing that excites me; living life, being alive, existing; I so desire this.
The LORD spoke, and the heavens were created. He breathed, and all the stars were born.
Ps. 33:6
The LORD spoke, and the heavens were created. He breathed, and all the stars were born.
Ps. 33:6
Day 21
So often I war with time as if it were my enemy. I try to conquer it, capture it, and lock it away. I get so anxious for future bits of time that I waste the little I have. The moments in time that are grand, spectacular, and utterly filled to the brim with perfection, I attempt to have those moments; to hold onto that time. We’re continually at battle. And yet time isn’t something to be fought with. I cannot stop it. I cannot have it. And it is not concerned one bit with my toiling. I can strive and struggle and pour my every drop of sweat into this war and I will ALWAYS end up having lost what I was fighting for. The Bible say to be anxious for nothing. Erich Fromm says that only when one does not live for the past or the future but lives in each moment does time then cease to exist. To live in each moment, for each one is exactly alike… Lord please teach me how.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
No Mas Café, Day 20
The alternative of having verses being does not appeal to common sense. To have, so it would seem, is a normal function of our life: in order to live we must have things. Moreover, we must have things in order to enjoy them. In a culture in which the supreme goal is to have- and to have more and more- and in which one can speak of someone as “being worth a million dollars,” how can there be an alternative between having and being? It would seem that… if one has nothing, one is nothing… [however] our goal should be to be much, not to have much.
-Erich Fromm
Deep brown steaming joy in a cup. Coffee is a thing to wake for each morning as the day greets me with its invigorating aroma. A hot rush of flavor is accompanied by comfort and overwhelming peace. Coffee and a good book make for a perfect moment. Frustration is eased by the delightful liquid. It ushers in adulthood during ones first encounters with freedom and independence at the downtown coffee shop with friends. And later in life allows any adult admittance into the sophisticated social class, with its rich syrups, fancy mugs, elaborate logos, and the elegant décor surrounding it. A cardboard cup filled with hot coffee displaying its brown recycled sleeve fixed in the hand of its consumer is like the new cigarette. Coffee makes everything better for billions of people.
I am ridiculously addicted to it. It supplies me with energy, comfort, provides me with little bits of Guatemala, and is a part of who I am. I have coffee, and coffee has me. So I wonder can I be me without coffee. Can I still find as many little bits of comfort and calm? Would a part of who I am be gone? Would my connection to Guatemala cease? I quiver at the idea of never having another comfy sweatshirt morning under the stars as a cool breeze sweeps through my hair with my bible and a cup of coffee. My existence with coffee is undoubtedly a “having” existence. BUT I want to BE!
It isn’t coffee itself that’s grabbed a hold of me. The atmosphere it creates of rest, calm, perfection, it’s mostly a preconceived or conditioned conception that I have. The elegance that surrounds it, the excessive additives, and the million dollar marketing campaigns that run along side the brown fluid are mostly what have influenced me to fall in love with coffee. It’s true. I am trying to imagine the relationship between the bean and the coffee plantation worker. Living in dire poverty, exhausted from picking the beans for the better part of everyday, I cannot imagine that for that person there’s ANY luxury associated with coffee. I think they probably drink it, black, without sugar, to stay awake, maybe, but the way they look at it is polar opposite from me (I’m sure).
I’m attempting to give up purchasing things. I’m attempting to not spend money I don’t have. I’m attempting to get waste, junk, all the bits of excess that we’ve piled into our home out. I’m attempting to be healthy and take care of my body. I’m attempting to make the most out of every minute, to grow, to increase, to think, to exist. Now, I am going to attempt to be me without coffee. AHHHHHHHH!!!!
Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.
Gal 5:16
-Erich Fromm
Deep brown steaming joy in a cup. Coffee is a thing to wake for each morning as the day greets me with its invigorating aroma. A hot rush of flavor is accompanied by comfort and overwhelming peace. Coffee and a good book make for a perfect moment. Frustration is eased by the delightful liquid. It ushers in adulthood during ones first encounters with freedom and independence at the downtown coffee shop with friends. And later in life allows any adult admittance into the sophisticated social class, with its rich syrups, fancy mugs, elaborate logos, and the elegant décor surrounding it. A cardboard cup filled with hot coffee displaying its brown recycled sleeve fixed in the hand of its consumer is like the new cigarette. Coffee makes everything better for billions of people.
I am ridiculously addicted to it. It supplies me with energy, comfort, provides me with little bits of Guatemala, and is a part of who I am. I have coffee, and coffee has me. So I wonder can I be me without coffee. Can I still find as many little bits of comfort and calm? Would a part of who I am be gone? Would my connection to Guatemala cease? I quiver at the idea of never having another comfy sweatshirt morning under the stars as a cool breeze sweeps through my hair with my bible and a cup of coffee. My existence with coffee is undoubtedly a “having” existence. BUT I want to BE!
It isn’t coffee itself that’s grabbed a hold of me. The atmosphere it creates of rest, calm, perfection, it’s mostly a preconceived or conditioned conception that I have. The elegance that surrounds it, the excessive additives, and the million dollar marketing campaigns that run along side the brown fluid are mostly what have influenced me to fall in love with coffee. It’s true. I am trying to imagine the relationship between the bean and the coffee plantation worker. Living in dire poverty, exhausted from picking the beans for the better part of everyday, I cannot imagine that for that person there’s ANY luxury associated with coffee. I think they probably drink it, black, without sugar, to stay awake, maybe, but the way they look at it is polar opposite from me (I’m sure).
I’m attempting to give up purchasing things. I’m attempting to not spend money I don’t have. I’m attempting to get waste, junk, all the bits of excess that we’ve piled into our home out. I’m attempting to be healthy and take care of my body. I’m attempting to make the most out of every minute, to grow, to increase, to think, to exist. Now, I am going to attempt to be me without coffee. AHHHHHHHH!!!!
Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.
Gal 5:16
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Fathers Love, Day 19
Only to the extent that we decrease the mode of having-i.e., stop finding security and identity by clinging to what we have- can the mode of being emerge. “To be” requires giving up ones egocentricity and selfishness…
-Erich Fromm
I love my dad. I’m thankful that he is my dad. I cannot imagine anyone else in his place. He never wronged me in anyway. But I don’t have any memories of hugging him, or sitting on his lap, or even just spending time with him. I cannot remember him ever reading me a story, or playing a game with me, or even just sitting and talking with me. I have one memory of him taking me out to eat at a nice restaurant downtown after him and my mom got divorced. But that’s my only memory of spending time with him, just that one. My dad is my dad but I cannot say that I have any sort of a relationship with him. On top of that, ever since I was 10 I’ve sort of always taken care of myself.
I say all of this because I’m trying REALLY hard to rely on God. I’m trying to spend time with Him, to listen to Him, and to relate to Him as my Father. But, I’ve pretty much always taken care of myself and I honestly do not know how to relate to a father. You spend almost 30 years being who you are, reinforcing your beliefs and then you realize you were missing something and essentially you’re looking at things all wrong… then what?
Faith is believing. But if the only thing you’ve ever believed is that you have to take care of everything… wow, faith can be a difficult thing to operate in then. (I’m not talking head believing here. I’m talking heart belief. There’s a big difference.) I’m realizing that I need to let go of my safety zone, I need to “decrease the mode of having” by no longer “having” my tainted views towards the world. I need to let go of MY idea, essentially one that my heart has believed for 18 years: “I am fatherless.”
1 John 3:1 See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God.
-Erich Fromm
I love my dad. I’m thankful that he is my dad. I cannot imagine anyone else in his place. He never wronged me in anyway. But I don’t have any memories of hugging him, or sitting on his lap, or even just spending time with him. I cannot remember him ever reading me a story, or playing a game with me, or even just sitting and talking with me. I have one memory of him taking me out to eat at a nice restaurant downtown after him and my mom got divorced. But that’s my only memory of spending time with him, just that one. My dad is my dad but I cannot say that I have any sort of a relationship with him. On top of that, ever since I was 10 I’ve sort of always taken care of myself.
I say all of this because I’m trying REALLY hard to rely on God. I’m trying to spend time with Him, to listen to Him, and to relate to Him as my Father. But, I’ve pretty much always taken care of myself and I honestly do not know how to relate to a father. You spend almost 30 years being who you are, reinforcing your beliefs and then you realize you were missing something and essentially you’re looking at things all wrong… then what?
Faith is believing. But if the only thing you’ve ever believed is that you have to take care of everything… wow, faith can be a difficult thing to operate in then. (I’m not talking head believing here. I’m talking heart belief. There’s a big difference.) I’m realizing that I need to let go of my safety zone, I need to “decrease the mode of having” by no longer “having” my tainted views towards the world. I need to let go of MY idea, essentially one that my heart has believed for 18 years: “I am fatherless.”
1 John 3:1 See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Heaven on Earth, Day 18
What if the air we breathe is really the breath of God? Is every bit of life on this planet existing under the dome that is our atmosphere really existing because God's breath is our atmosphere? What if this earth’s water is God’s anointing? The fish would then be sustained by God's annointing, our bodies would then be made up of and purified by God's annointing. What if our magnificent sun is but a speck of the glory of God? Are the awe inspiring stars that speckle the night’s sky small bits of God’s glory scattered through the heavens? Might they really be telling stories, stories written by God? Are bits of heaven all around us?
I wonder if the scientists who emphatically deny God, is their work really just the study of God? The ancients who worshiped the sun, were they possibly worshiping a tiny piece of God? The water we’re polluting and searching for on other planets, is it really anointing from heaven? I think God is more present and involved in every single aspect of the lives we live than we’ll ever know. I feel that He is intertwined all around us in nature and in us. People say they don't believe in Him because they cannot see Him but it seems like bits of Him are everywhere.
I wonder if the scientists who emphatically deny God, is their work really just the study of God? The ancients who worshiped the sun, were they possibly worshiping a tiny piece of God? The water we’re polluting and searching for on other planets, is it really anointing from heaven? I think God is more present and involved in every single aspect of the lives we live than we’ll ever know. I feel that He is intertwined all around us in nature and in us. People say they don't believe in Him because they cannot see Him but it seems like bits of Him are everywhere.
I’m Thinking About Thinking, Day 17
The mode of being has as its prerequisites independence, freedom, and the presence of critical reason. Its fundamental characteristic is that of being active, not in the sense of outward activity, of busyness, but of inner activity, the productive use of our human powers. It means to renew oneself, to grow, to flow out, to love, to transcend the prison of one’s isolated ego, to be interested, to “list”, to give.
-Erich Fromm
Today I’ve been thinking about thinking. I’ve noticed that sometimes while I’m driving or working time will elapse and then all of the sudden I wonder, “what was I thinking during the past 10 minutes.” It’s as if my mind isn’t even functioning; I’m accustomed enough to the task at hand that reason sort of checks out. Each time I’ve experienced this time lapse it upsets me. I feel as if I’ve wasted valuable time.
I was reading today in Erich Fromm’s book “To Have or To Be?” about activity and passivity or busyness. The word activity was used to describe productive processes. Busyness referred to just functioning really. When a person is truly active they are increasing, growing; the activity they’re involved in is one that strengthens who they are. Most often people are just busy, moving, functioning; but not increasing themselves, just existing.
I wonder how much time during the day is wasted on busyness, not only physically but mentally as well. I’m starting to feel that my mind, emotions and feelings are the only things I can truly control. I make my own decisions but the outcome of my decisions isn’t really up to me and circumstances and situations that we have no possible way of choosing or not choosing will ALWAYS arise. My mind however, every minute of every day is under my control. So take the television for an example. (I have nothing against TV, it’s just a point I’m trying to make)How much time is spent sitting in front of this box watching the commercials, trashy “reality” TV, shows that stir up all kinds of emotions about made up lives? Where is the active thought process increasing who you are and growing your mind during all of this entertainment time? I don’t like that I check out sometimes while I’m driving or working, I like even less that while I’m watching the TV I’m “checking out” whatever the writers want me to believe.
I encourage rest, relaxation, and many many moments of calm. However I am starting to realize that so much of our time is wasted on nonsense, mind numbing nonsense. Every moment is new. I want to make the most of them all.
And be renewed in the spirit of your mind.
Eph 4:23
-Erich Fromm
Today I’ve been thinking about thinking. I’ve noticed that sometimes while I’m driving or working time will elapse and then all of the sudden I wonder, “what was I thinking during the past 10 minutes.” It’s as if my mind isn’t even functioning; I’m accustomed enough to the task at hand that reason sort of checks out. Each time I’ve experienced this time lapse it upsets me. I feel as if I’ve wasted valuable time.
I was reading today in Erich Fromm’s book “To Have or To Be?” about activity and passivity or busyness. The word activity was used to describe productive processes. Busyness referred to just functioning really. When a person is truly active they are increasing, growing; the activity they’re involved in is one that strengthens who they are. Most often people are just busy, moving, functioning; but not increasing themselves, just existing.
I wonder how much time during the day is wasted on busyness, not only physically but mentally as well. I’m starting to feel that my mind, emotions and feelings are the only things I can truly control. I make my own decisions but the outcome of my decisions isn’t really up to me and circumstances and situations that we have no possible way of choosing or not choosing will ALWAYS arise. My mind however, every minute of every day is under my control. So take the television for an example. (I have nothing against TV, it’s just a point I’m trying to make)How much time is spent sitting in front of this box watching the commercials, trashy “reality” TV, shows that stir up all kinds of emotions about made up lives? Where is the active thought process increasing who you are and growing your mind during all of this entertainment time? I don’t like that I check out sometimes while I’m driving or working, I like even less that while I’m watching the TV I’m “checking out” whatever the writers want me to believe.
I encourage rest, relaxation, and many many moments of calm. However I am starting to realize that so much of our time is wasted on nonsense, mind numbing nonsense. Every moment is new. I want to make the most of them all.
And be renewed in the spirit of your mind.
Eph 4:23
Monday, January 11, 2010
Everyday Miracles, Day 16
My character structure, the true motivation of my behavior, constitutes my real being.
-Erich Fromm
Today started out as one of those classically HORRIBLE days. My “must do” work list (which comprises about half of my actual work list) was over 12 hours worth of work. I have an 8 hour work day with drive time in between my stores. I am not allowed overtime. So, recap: over 12 hours of work which MUST be completed in 7 hours. I am quite thankful for my job. I like to do my best and I try to keep my employer happy. However, is the above situation feasible??? Seriously? This isn’t the way I like to start out the week. I was ridiculously frustrated driving to work this morning, dreading every minute of the day ahead of me.
I tried to take deep breaths. I began my drive as I always do, thanked God for the day and then had a little conversation with Him. I’ve been trying lately to make time for God, prayer time, Bible time, and worship, in the midst of frustrating situations. I’ve noticed how I’ve practically perfected ignoring God when I’m in a bad mood, or faced with difficult times. I mostly only spend time with Him when I’m happy. Finally arriving at the realization that this isn’t a healthy way to function I’ve been consciously attempting to not ignore Him.
So, terrible day ahead of me, I tried my best to relax and just sought God for calm. I navigated the “must do’s” with terrific speed at my first store. I was basically running through Meijer, trying to accomplish as much as possible at once. I was in hyper speed mode. I exhausted myself BUT I got everything done in the amount of time allotted. I’m not going to lie, I was dreading my second store knowing that my morning accomplishments were miraculous and I was pretty much out of energy. Long story short my second store turned out just fine. Several hours worth of work I was scheduled to do had already been completed and I was able to get everything done, again. At first I was thinking wow, what a relief, that’s crazy and wonderful. Only about 10 seconds had lapsed when I thought, “wait… Thank-you God, You answered my prayers today.” I almost missed it though. I almost didn’t even think about God. I almost just figured it strange coincidence and left it at that. Honestly though, the entire situation was miraculous. It was a miracle. Tomorrow is another story. But I will cross that bridge when I get to it.
This is getting long but I MUST relate my thoughts on the above situation. I am slowly realizing that no matter what your circumstances may be, every minute of everyday belongs to you. You decide how you live each moment (happy, sad, joyful, frustrated, thankful, angry). Our circumstances do not control us. I can be whoever, however I want to be at all times despite my circumstances. Above and beyond that I am thankful that I have a Heavenly Father who is ALWAYS there with me (despite the circumstances). He REALLY came through for me today, but I think me resting in Him and relying on Him no matter what I'm going through is really the goal.
If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there Your hand shall lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me.
Ps 139: 9-10
-Erich Fromm
Today started out as one of those classically HORRIBLE days. My “must do” work list (which comprises about half of my actual work list) was over 12 hours worth of work. I have an 8 hour work day with drive time in between my stores. I am not allowed overtime. So, recap: over 12 hours of work which MUST be completed in 7 hours. I am quite thankful for my job. I like to do my best and I try to keep my employer happy. However, is the above situation feasible??? Seriously? This isn’t the way I like to start out the week. I was ridiculously frustrated driving to work this morning, dreading every minute of the day ahead of me.
I tried to take deep breaths. I began my drive as I always do, thanked God for the day and then had a little conversation with Him. I’ve been trying lately to make time for God, prayer time, Bible time, and worship, in the midst of frustrating situations. I’ve noticed how I’ve practically perfected ignoring God when I’m in a bad mood, or faced with difficult times. I mostly only spend time with Him when I’m happy. Finally arriving at the realization that this isn’t a healthy way to function I’ve been consciously attempting to not ignore Him.
So, terrible day ahead of me, I tried my best to relax and just sought God for calm. I navigated the “must do’s” with terrific speed at my first store. I was basically running through Meijer, trying to accomplish as much as possible at once. I was in hyper speed mode. I exhausted myself BUT I got everything done in the amount of time allotted. I’m not going to lie, I was dreading my second store knowing that my morning accomplishments were miraculous and I was pretty much out of energy. Long story short my second store turned out just fine. Several hours worth of work I was scheduled to do had already been completed and I was able to get everything done, again. At first I was thinking wow, what a relief, that’s crazy and wonderful. Only about 10 seconds had lapsed when I thought, “wait… Thank-you God, You answered my prayers today.” I almost missed it though. I almost didn’t even think about God. I almost just figured it strange coincidence and left it at that. Honestly though, the entire situation was miraculous. It was a miracle. Tomorrow is another story. But I will cross that bridge when I get to it.
This is getting long but I MUST relate my thoughts on the above situation. I am slowly realizing that no matter what your circumstances may be, every minute of everyday belongs to you. You decide how you live each moment (happy, sad, joyful, frustrated, thankful, angry). Our circumstances do not control us. I can be whoever, however I want to be at all times despite my circumstances. Above and beyond that I am thankful that I have a Heavenly Father who is ALWAYS there with me (despite the circumstances). He REALLY came through for me today, but I think me resting in Him and relying on Him no matter what I'm going through is really the goal.
If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there Your hand shall lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me.
Ps 139: 9-10
No two Human Beings are Entirely Alike, Day 15
The total me, my whole individuality, my suchness that is as unique as my fingerprints are, can never be fully understood, not even by empathy, for no two human beings are entirely alike.
-Erich Fromm
Everyone at some point in time experiences loneliness, certainly some people much more often then others. I believe all of mankind deals with that overwhelming feeling, knowing that no one can ever fully understand them. I completely believe that it’s true “the total me, my whole individuality, can never be fully understood.” This truth leaves everyone standing alone somewhere at some point in time. This truth is probably the cause of the void that so many are trying to fill this very instant. Our cell phones, social networking sites, clothing trends, and continual striving to be “accepted,” I’m sure all stem from this indefinite separation. You can NEVER understand my feelings, which I’m unable to ever fully describe. You can never know all of my thoughts; you’d have to be me in order to, and vice versa. We will never fully know each other no matter how hard we were to try.
I’m reading through the Bible chronologically at present. It’s neat, taking a long time, but I am enjoying it. I’m sort of stuck in the psalms right now. I’m not a huge fan of them. They’re so repetitive and the thing that sticks out most to me is the psalmist’s constant plea for God to wipe out his enemies. I often wonder, where’s the love, forgiveness, compassion, ect? I read psalm 139 today and my heart soared. I actually contemplated just writing out the entire psalm as today’s blog. It’s amazing. Within 24 verses the psalmist describes God’s relationship to us, His view of us, and His forever and always being right there with us. “Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; if I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.” All 24 verses amaze me. All 24 verses speak directly to the longing in my heart for intimate relationship. You can never fully know me, nor I you. But God knew all of me before I even was, and there’s no where, NO WHERE I can be that He isn’t.
O Lord, You have searched me and know me. You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word on my tongue, but behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.
Ps 139: 1-4
-Erich Fromm
Everyone at some point in time experiences loneliness, certainly some people much more often then others. I believe all of mankind deals with that overwhelming feeling, knowing that no one can ever fully understand them. I completely believe that it’s true “the total me, my whole individuality, can never be fully understood.” This truth leaves everyone standing alone somewhere at some point in time. This truth is probably the cause of the void that so many are trying to fill this very instant. Our cell phones, social networking sites, clothing trends, and continual striving to be “accepted,” I’m sure all stem from this indefinite separation. You can NEVER understand my feelings, which I’m unable to ever fully describe. You can never know all of my thoughts; you’d have to be me in order to, and vice versa. We will never fully know each other no matter how hard we were to try.
I’m reading through the Bible chronologically at present. It’s neat, taking a long time, but I am enjoying it. I’m sort of stuck in the psalms right now. I’m not a huge fan of them. They’re so repetitive and the thing that sticks out most to me is the psalmist’s constant plea for God to wipe out his enemies. I often wonder, where’s the love, forgiveness, compassion, ect? I read psalm 139 today and my heart soared. I actually contemplated just writing out the entire psalm as today’s blog. It’s amazing. Within 24 verses the psalmist describes God’s relationship to us, His view of us, and His forever and always being right there with us. “Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; if I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.” All 24 verses amaze me. All 24 verses speak directly to the longing in my heart for intimate relationship. You can never fully know me, nor I you. But God knew all of me before I even was, and there’s no where, NO WHERE I can be that He isn’t.
O Lord, You have searched me and know me. You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word on my tongue, but behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.
Ps 139: 1-4
Saturday, January 9, 2010
frustration and sparkle, Day 14
In the structure of being, the alive and inexpressible experience rules.
-Erich Fromm
I had to move 17 heavy boxes from the front yard to the garage today. I lazily left them sitting in the cold snowy outdoors for several days now. The sun came out today and the snow has been melting which mustered up enough motivation for me to carry the dumb things to shelter (they’re boxes for work, I get ALOT of boxes for work). As I huffed and puffed and stumbled through several feet of un-shoveled snow (the boxes aren’t the only thing I’ve left unattended) I was on the verge of anger, frustration; the regular negativity. But then I caught a glimpse of the snow which sparkled like diamonds and glitter in the bright shining sun. The beauty of the twinkling flakes, the brilliant white, beautiful yellows, tiny flecks of pink, and the glorious blues where the shadows lay caused me to stop in my stumbly tracks. All of the negativity that welled within me melted as I embraced the moment of beauty. Consciously I thought to myself, “how can I be angry at this task when it alone is allowing me to partake of this awesome beauty.” After all, had I not been driven to move the boxes I would not have been out of doors.
Overhead the sky was an amazing periwinkle, clear as could be, and one of my all time favorite colors. Actual warmth from the sun shining brightly amongst the beautiful blue caressed my cheeks. The day was perfect. My frustration almost blinded me to it. I am learning. It’s almost miraculous, being able to notice, embrace, and find joy in the little things; being able to see life.
You have made known to me the ways of life; You will make me full of joy in Your presence.
Acts 2:28
-Erich Fromm
I had to move 17 heavy boxes from the front yard to the garage today. I lazily left them sitting in the cold snowy outdoors for several days now. The sun came out today and the snow has been melting which mustered up enough motivation for me to carry the dumb things to shelter (they’re boxes for work, I get ALOT of boxes for work). As I huffed and puffed and stumbled through several feet of un-shoveled snow (the boxes aren’t the only thing I’ve left unattended) I was on the verge of anger, frustration; the regular negativity. But then I caught a glimpse of the snow which sparkled like diamonds and glitter in the bright shining sun. The beauty of the twinkling flakes, the brilliant white, beautiful yellows, tiny flecks of pink, and the glorious blues where the shadows lay caused me to stop in my stumbly tracks. All of the negativity that welled within me melted as I embraced the moment of beauty. Consciously I thought to myself, “how can I be angry at this task when it alone is allowing me to partake of this awesome beauty.” After all, had I not been driven to move the boxes I would not have been out of doors.
Overhead the sky was an amazing periwinkle, clear as could be, and one of my all time favorite colors. Actual warmth from the sun shining brightly amongst the beautiful blue caressed my cheeks. The day was perfect. My frustration almost blinded me to it. I am learning. It’s almost miraculous, being able to notice, embrace, and find joy in the little things; being able to see life.
You have made known to me the ways of life; You will make me full of joy in Your presence.
Acts 2:28
I have, Day 13
In the having mode, there is no alive relationship between me and what I have. It and I have become things, and I have it, because I have the force to make it mine. But there is also a reverse relationship: it has me, because my sense of identity rests upon my having it.
-Erich Fromm
My mind can hardly wrap around the concept of my things owning me. However I feel that this statement, “it has me” is really very true. If only in the most simple sense that everything one “owns” requires ones time to maintain, money to keep operating, and energy to operate, the statement is true. More complexly however this statement rings true for most because people do feel a loss when something they own is destroyed, taken, damaged; a part of their life is damaged when their possession is damaged, this demonstrates an attachment.
How often do we think of our possessions as being extensions of ourselves, if ever? Yet I think they really are, aren’t they? Even if there isn’t anything wrong with this relationship it does seem that the more one “owns” the less time, money, energy, capacity, one would have for simple things; things like rest, reflective thinking, and love of people even. There really is only so much time in a day. We do only have so much energy we can exert. Possibly is this why people are growing continually more anxious, and restless, and heavy laden? It’s funny though, most of our “things” are meant to make our lives easier, more luxurious; we work quite hard to obtain the things that will afford us comfort and joy; but really they may just possibly be stealing life from us. It’s just a thought, and quite unorganized, but I believe there is truly something to it.
And He said to them, "Take heed and beware of covetousness (a greedy desire to have more), for one's life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses." Luke 12:15
-Erich Fromm
My mind can hardly wrap around the concept of my things owning me. However I feel that this statement, “it has me” is really very true. If only in the most simple sense that everything one “owns” requires ones time to maintain, money to keep operating, and energy to operate, the statement is true. More complexly however this statement rings true for most because people do feel a loss when something they own is destroyed, taken, damaged; a part of their life is damaged when their possession is damaged, this demonstrates an attachment.
How often do we think of our possessions as being extensions of ourselves, if ever? Yet I think they really are, aren’t they? Even if there isn’t anything wrong with this relationship it does seem that the more one “owns” the less time, money, energy, capacity, one would have for simple things; things like rest, reflective thinking, and love of people even. There really is only so much time in a day. We do only have so much energy we can exert. Possibly is this why people are growing continually more anxious, and restless, and heavy laden? It’s funny though, most of our “things” are meant to make our lives easier, more luxurious; we work quite hard to obtain the things that will afford us comfort and joy; but really they may just possibly be stealing life from us. It’s just a thought, and quite unorganized, but I believe there is truly something to it.
And He said to them, "Take heed and beware of covetousness (a greedy desire to have more), for one's life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses." Luke 12:15
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Moments of Calm, Day 12
The person exclusively concerned with having and possession is a neurotic, mentally sick person; hence it would follow that the society in which most of the members are anal characters is a sick society.
-Erich Fromm
I drive alot for my job. 30 minutes to work, 45 minutes home; 20 minutes to work, an hour home. Usually I'm pretty anxious driving home. I have a list of about 30 tasks that need accomplishing running through my head at all times. Sort of like a crazy person I go over the order of my list again, and again and again in my head. Then I'll think about how to accomplish one thing just a little faster and the best ways to multi-task and get alot done at once. Then I'll go over the order of my list again, and again, and again in my head. This is VERY normal and I don't calm down or relax... pretty much ever.
Yesterday as I drove home (it was a terrible day by the way, TERRIBLE!) I was ridiculously calm. I wasn't rushing to get home so that I could accomplish my little tasks. I wasn't even thinking about what needed to be done. I was just calm. Pretty much every moment during the drive home yesterday I enjoyed for what it was, a moment of quite, a moment of peace, a moment of calm. I was able to make the very most out of my 40 minute drive home and still accomplish all my little tasks once I arrived home. I was able to relax and recoup and enjoy time. That doesn't really ever happen for me, even when I have specific down time. I like to believe that my lessening desire for stuff has not only opened up space for a greater desire for the things of God but that I've also stumbled upon a greater appreciation for the little things, non-things, like moments of calm.
Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
-Jesus
-Erich Fromm
I drive alot for my job. 30 minutes to work, 45 minutes home; 20 minutes to work, an hour home. Usually I'm pretty anxious driving home. I have a list of about 30 tasks that need accomplishing running through my head at all times. Sort of like a crazy person I go over the order of my list again, and again and again in my head. Then I'll think about how to accomplish one thing just a little faster and the best ways to multi-task and get alot done at once. Then I'll go over the order of my list again, and again, and again in my head. This is VERY normal and I don't calm down or relax... pretty much ever.
Yesterday as I drove home (it was a terrible day by the way, TERRIBLE!) I was ridiculously calm. I wasn't rushing to get home so that I could accomplish my little tasks. I wasn't even thinking about what needed to be done. I was just calm. Pretty much every moment during the drive home yesterday I enjoyed for what it was, a moment of quite, a moment of peace, a moment of calm. I was able to make the very most out of my 40 minute drive home and still accomplish all my little tasks once I arrived home. I was able to relax and recoup and enjoy time. That doesn't really ever happen for me, even when I have specific down time. I like to believe that my lessening desire for stuff has not only opened up space for a greater desire for the things of God but that I've also stumbled upon a greater appreciation for the little things, non-things, like moments of calm.
Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
-Jesus
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Sticking to my guns, Day 11
In the very attempt to supress having and consuming, the person may be equally preoccupied with having and consuming.
-Erich Fromm
I've done a surprisingly good job at sticking to my guns thus far. I've been tempted by a few different items. I REALLY wanted to break down and spend money that I do not have on starbucks yesterday. But I did not and fighting the erge wasn't even difficult. I feel like I'm in a different place then ever before. I've always made these concious decisions that I am going to... But when I am faced with the task at hand I have to make the decision all over again. Usually I don't stick to the plan. I believe that I've always conciously decided I "want" to do "this" or "that" but only in my mind. My heart condition never changed. I was the same person only hoping to behave differently but with no inward change.
This time I feel like somewhere inside of me the decision was finalized so once I'm faced with the task at hand I already know what needs to be done. I don't have to try and decide right then and there when the stakes are high. I don't think I'm fighting myself this time. Instead I'm fighting a learned behavior, but I feel I have changed, inwardly, my heart has changed.
Now for the amazing outcome at my having will power for possibly the first time ever: my desires are changing. Yesterday while I was working I wanted so desperately to spend time with God. I can pray in my head while at work. But I was almost thirsty, there was this incredibly strong... it was a thirst, to just be with my Father God. Just us. If I were to walk around Meijer singing and dancing and worshiping God, I'd probably get thrown out and lose my job. I was desperate to spend time with Him. It was amazing. I'm usually desperate for a candy bar but there was nothing, NOTHING else on my mind, just God. Today was similar in that most of the day I wanted to be praying. I wanted to talk with God and listen to Him and there really wasn't anything else I desired (other than to not be working).
At present I am truly amazed at what a little discipline can do. I think I might be learning how to BE!
: )
'Take from among you an offering to the LORD. Whoever is of a willing heart, let him bring it as an offering to the LORD... Ex. 35:5
-Erich Fromm
I've done a surprisingly good job at sticking to my guns thus far. I've been tempted by a few different items. I REALLY wanted to break down and spend money that I do not have on starbucks yesterday. But I did not and fighting the erge wasn't even difficult. I feel like I'm in a different place then ever before. I've always made these concious decisions that I am going to... But when I am faced with the task at hand I have to make the decision all over again. Usually I don't stick to the plan. I believe that I've always conciously decided I "want" to do "this" or "that" but only in my mind. My heart condition never changed. I was the same person only hoping to behave differently but with no inward change.
This time I feel like somewhere inside of me the decision was finalized so once I'm faced with the task at hand I already know what needs to be done. I don't have to try and decide right then and there when the stakes are high. I don't think I'm fighting myself this time. Instead I'm fighting a learned behavior, but I feel I have changed, inwardly, my heart has changed.
Now for the amazing outcome at my having will power for possibly the first time ever: my desires are changing. Yesterday while I was working I wanted so desperately to spend time with God. I can pray in my head while at work. But I was almost thirsty, there was this incredibly strong... it was a thirst, to just be with my Father God. Just us. If I were to walk around Meijer singing and dancing and worshiping God, I'd probably get thrown out and lose my job. I was desperate to spend time with Him. It was amazing. I'm usually desperate for a candy bar but there was nothing, NOTHING else on my mind, just God. Today was similar in that most of the day I wanted to be praying. I wanted to talk with God and listen to Him and there really wasn't anything else I desired (other than to not be working).
At present I am truly amazed at what a little discipline can do. I think I might be learning how to BE!
: )
'Take from among you an offering to the LORD. Whoever is of a willing heart, let him bring it as an offering to the LORD... Ex. 35:5
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Perspective, Day 10
I said a strange prayer on the way home from church Sunday. I was frustrated because I had to stay an extra 30 minutes waiting for the last parent to retrieve their child from Sunday school. I’m quite often frustrated, there’s always something, but Sunday was my last day of vacation and I wanted to spend it peacefully with my husband. After the 30 minute delay I could see myself walking through the door, grouchy, grumbling, and irritated and then ruining the whole evening. I’ve noticed as of late, that my grouchiness is more and more quickly altering the mood of my husband. So while I quickly drove home to be with Jesse, I asked the Holy Spirit to do a work in my heart. I heard myself asking and then I doubted for a moment that any change would occur. Then I said, Holy Spirit could you please fizzle away the negativity. I pictured an anointed fuzzy solution working its way through my heart and dissolving all of the yuck. That alone made me smile. Then I began to thank God for all the good things that had come out of me spending an extra 30 minutes with that one small child. I also thanked Him for the last few hours of vacation that remained and for my wonderful Jesse. I walked through my front door totally calm, peaceful and my heart was completely cleaned of all the regular grouchiness.
I repeated the same prayer yesterday morning. As I drove to work for the first time in 10 days I was completely expecting an awful day. I could feed intense negativity and frustration welling up within me. I already felt home sick and hadn’t been away for even 10 minutes. I saw very sore feet in the near future. Vacations are wonderful but returning to work once they’re over is horrific. As I drove to work I asked the Holy Spirit to fizzle away all the yuck building up inside of me, once again. And then, again, I thanked God for all of His goodness that I could already see working in the day that lay ahead of me. I’m happy to report that the Holy Spirit came through. I faced the day with calm, a gentle peace, no negativity or frustration and when all was said and done my feet didn’t even hurt.
Sort of a long story just to arrive at what I actually wanted to say; I’m fascinated by the fuzzy fizzy Holy Spirit bubbles that calmed my grumpy heart. Both times I said my silly prayer I was instantly motivated, I mean I felt a sudden compulsion, to cover the frustrating situation with thanksgiving. The technical name for the fizzy solution the Holy Spirit used on me was “thankfulness.” Isn’t that elementary? But it’s true, it really worked. Thank the Lord!
Be constant in prayer, and watch in it [prayer] with thanksgiving.
Col. 4:2
(I truly, truly believe that this phrase “watch in it” is parallel to faith. To me the author is saying that with a thankful, I’ll even add joyful and appreciative spirit we should see those things which we’re praying for)
I repeated the same prayer yesterday morning. As I drove to work for the first time in 10 days I was completely expecting an awful day. I could feed intense negativity and frustration welling up within me. I already felt home sick and hadn’t been away for even 10 minutes. I saw very sore feet in the near future. Vacations are wonderful but returning to work once they’re over is horrific. As I drove to work I asked the Holy Spirit to fizzle away all the yuck building up inside of me, once again. And then, again, I thanked God for all of His goodness that I could already see working in the day that lay ahead of me. I’m happy to report that the Holy Spirit came through. I faced the day with calm, a gentle peace, no negativity or frustration and when all was said and done my feet didn’t even hurt.
Sort of a long story just to arrive at what I actually wanted to say; I’m fascinated by the fuzzy fizzy Holy Spirit bubbles that calmed my grumpy heart. Both times I said my silly prayer I was instantly motivated, I mean I felt a sudden compulsion, to cover the frustrating situation with thanksgiving. The technical name for the fizzy solution the Holy Spirit used on me was “thankfulness.” Isn’t that elementary? But it’s true, it really worked. Thank the Lord!
Be constant in prayer, and watch in it [prayer] with thanksgiving.
Col. 4:2
(I truly, truly believe that this phrase “watch in it” is parallel to faith. To me the author is saying that with a thankful, I’ll even add joyful and appreciative spirit we should see those things which we’re praying for)
Monday, January 4, 2010
Christmas Clearance, Day 9
The Norms by which society functions also mold the character of its members.
-Erich Fromm
I’m slowly learning how to be, how to exist, how to experience, how to breathe. I’m fighting the urge, my almost innate drive to be by having. I went back to work today after a 10 day vacation. (I work at Meijer’s; it’s a supermarket for those who aren’t aware) All of the Christmas leftovers are on clearance 75, 80 percent off. I felt a gravitational pull towards the $1.99 boxed Christmas cards. I watched as my hand picked up a few different boxes. My eyes scanned the images, somewhere within me a tiny voice peeped with a desperate desire to own them. “I need these,” the voice whispered. I snapped back to consciousness, placed the bargain greetings back on the shelf and walked away. Next the pink, red and white sugary sweet valentines’ candy called to me only for a portion of a second. Then I had to make a deliberate effort to steer clear of the toy department with the bargains falling off of every shelf. My nieces and nephews and Sunday school children… I have a hard time saying no to the perfect buy once I spot an item to increase the having existence growing within those cute little people.
The struggle I faced today wasn’t a terrible one but the fact that I’m unconsciously drawn towards things in every aisle, things I DO NOT NEED, things that will only add to my current debt, things that will clutter my home all the more (or someone else’s), things that will take time to maintain, it almost makes me crazy thinking about it. What within me desires so strongly to have? I’m afraid it’s a social cultivation. I’ve been raised in a society that needs, wants, craves, desires, and has to have… more. Before I went to Guatemala I believed that wanting and working for more was merely the course of life. But honestly I do not need any more, and I don’t think I want any more either.
I want to be able to enjoy what I already have. I want to enjoy each moment for what it is, and not what I can acquire within it. I want to open my eyes and see life, beauty, growth, and truth, all around me, and then to be satisfied by these. I desire change and thus I believe that I shall.
Do not love the world or the things in the world.
1 Jn. 2:15
-Erich Fromm
I’m slowly learning how to be, how to exist, how to experience, how to breathe. I’m fighting the urge, my almost innate drive to be by having. I went back to work today after a 10 day vacation. (I work at Meijer’s; it’s a supermarket for those who aren’t aware) All of the Christmas leftovers are on clearance 75, 80 percent off. I felt a gravitational pull towards the $1.99 boxed Christmas cards. I watched as my hand picked up a few different boxes. My eyes scanned the images, somewhere within me a tiny voice peeped with a desperate desire to own them. “I need these,” the voice whispered. I snapped back to consciousness, placed the bargain greetings back on the shelf and walked away. Next the pink, red and white sugary sweet valentines’ candy called to me only for a portion of a second. Then I had to make a deliberate effort to steer clear of the toy department with the bargains falling off of every shelf. My nieces and nephews and Sunday school children… I have a hard time saying no to the perfect buy once I spot an item to increase the having existence growing within those cute little people.
The struggle I faced today wasn’t a terrible one but the fact that I’m unconsciously drawn towards things in every aisle, things I DO NOT NEED, things that will only add to my current debt, things that will clutter my home all the more (or someone else’s), things that will take time to maintain, it almost makes me crazy thinking about it. What within me desires so strongly to have? I’m afraid it’s a social cultivation. I’ve been raised in a society that needs, wants, craves, desires, and has to have… more. Before I went to Guatemala I believed that wanting and working for more was merely the course of life. But honestly I do not need any more, and I don’t think I want any more either.
I want to be able to enjoy what I already have. I want to enjoy each moment for what it is, and not what I can acquire within it. I want to open my eyes and see life, beauty, growth, and truth, all around me, and then to be satisfied by these. I desire change and thus I believe that I shall.
Do not love the world or the things in the world.
1 Jn. 2:15
Sunday, January 3, 2010
My Lazy day and the TV, Day 8
I've been on vacation for the past 10 days. It's been wonderful. I've spent the majority of the time reading and relaxing. My vacations are usually devoted to poor "attemps" at organizing and cleaning and maintaining all of the stuff in my life that I haven't enough time for regularly. Anyway, today was the last of my 10 days of vacation and I didn't read (hardly). I am quickly blogging right now, just to do it and thus I haven't any quotes for todays entry. My apologies. (I'm also not spell checking any of this and quite TERRIBLE at spelling)
My husband was watching TV today and he left the room for something. As I was slightly annoyed with what he was watching I picked up the remote and flipped through the few channels we have. I am certain that every channel I passed was selling something, whether it was a commercial for a food product or drug; an infomercial for a belt that supposedly contracts your abs so that you don't actually have to work out and can still get perfectly defined abs; a show selling a $400 blender that can chop whole fruits, no peeling reguired, core and stem and peel and all, into a perfectly smooth smoothy; an entirely seperate blender with almost 2 horse power that Montel was selling; or I'm not even certain what the outfit was that a woman may purchase to wear beneath her clothing that pulls everything in so there aren't any rolls or lumps; (I'm not making any of this up, I saw it all in a matter of 2 minutes or less while flipping through the few channels available on our tv).
How many products do we need in our lives inorder to live happily? Do we really need machines to work out for us, machines to prepair our food for us, clothing to turn us into perfect "looking" people, luxurious food to satisfy our "hunger", and to top it all off, drugs to control our moods and thoughts so that life seems normal???
I've officially decided that I am getting rid of the equivlant of at least 1 thing currently in my home for every single day this year. This, saddly, apart from the effort needed to choose and discard each item, won't be that difficult. I'm sure that I've well over 365 items in my home that I won't miss for even a moment. No matter how many things we aquire to satisfy our ceaseless longing for more, they never do. The difficult task I face this year is going to be one of not aquiring new items to fill the void we're all continuously trying to fill.
It's January 3, 2010 and apart from food, I've yet to purchase one "thing" this year.
My husband was watching TV today and he left the room for something. As I was slightly annoyed with what he was watching I picked up the remote and flipped through the few channels we have. I am certain that every channel I passed was selling something, whether it was a commercial for a food product or drug; an infomercial for a belt that supposedly contracts your abs so that you don't actually have to work out and can still get perfectly defined abs; a show selling a $400 blender that can chop whole fruits, no peeling reguired, core and stem and peel and all, into a perfectly smooth smoothy; an entirely seperate blender with almost 2 horse power that Montel was selling; or I'm not even certain what the outfit was that a woman may purchase to wear beneath her clothing that pulls everything in so there aren't any rolls or lumps; (I'm not making any of this up, I saw it all in a matter of 2 minutes or less while flipping through the few channels available on our tv).
How many products do we need in our lives inorder to live happily? Do we really need machines to work out for us, machines to prepair our food for us, clothing to turn us into perfect "looking" people, luxurious food to satisfy our "hunger", and to top it all off, drugs to control our moods and thoughts so that life seems normal???
I've officially decided that I am getting rid of the equivlant of at least 1 thing currently in my home for every single day this year. This, saddly, apart from the effort needed to choose and discard each item, won't be that difficult. I'm sure that I've well over 365 items in my home that I won't miss for even a moment. No matter how many things we aquire to satisfy our ceaseless longing for more, they never do. The difficult task I face this year is going to be one of not aquiring new items to fill the void we're all continuously trying to fill.
It's January 3, 2010 and apart from food, I've yet to purchase one "thing" this year.
And behold, it was corrupt/ ruined/ destroyed Day 7
Being “freaks of nature” who by the very conditions of our existence are within nature and by the gift of our reason transcend it, we have tried to solve our existential problem by giving up the Messianic vision of harmony between humankind and nature by conquering nature, by transforming it to our own purposes until the conquest has become more and more equivalent to destruction.
-Erich Fromm
With my first week of blogging coming to an end I’d be at a loss if I didn’t but mention nature. My thoughts today are with our ancient ancestors. I dine on history, the foundation of where we are and who I am. Knowing that specific lives, way too numerous to ever fathom, are responsible for my existence; that if one of those lives had ended before giving birth to my next ancestor I would not be, Wowwy! History astounds me. (Back on track) Speaking of our ancient ancestors and nature, I love reading of all the ways in which people respected, feared, and existed within nature before man began to conquer it. I realize that these nomadic lifestyles of simplicity and basic survival are looked on as primitive and our cultured, advanced society basks in the glow of our progress and superiority. Only step out of that superiority for one moment and ponder, how would our primitive ancestors view our landfills, what would they think about our having caused (and still causing) extinction of so many animal species, of our depleting so many natural resources, of our lack of knowledge concerning the natural world that exists outside of our cities? I don’t think they’d call us primitive, but I’m sure they’d have a few choice words for our advanced existence.
Do you ever think about it? Do you ever think about how we use nature as a resource, it’s simply a thing we can purchase, a thing we can harness, mold, bend, and manipulate into whatever suits our fancies? The planet we live on has become not as it was, a vast world that harbored our bodies and lent us its resources, but a tool for our benefit. The planet earth is now at our mercy.
I delight in visions of old, when people laid their heads to rest and the stars were their ceiling, animals existed alongside them, free, unfettered, and wild, mans transportation was in the energy their own body afforded them, food was simply a thing that nourished the body, survival was at the top of man’s agenda, but the planet hadn’t any worries. People lived to survive. That looks awfully terrifying to most in our advanced societies, but at the same time our dismal future doesn’t look very cushy either.
And God looked upon the earth, and, behold, it was corrupt; for all flesh had corrupted his way upon the earth. Gen. 6:12
-Erich Fromm
With my first week of blogging coming to an end I’d be at a loss if I didn’t but mention nature. My thoughts today are with our ancient ancestors. I dine on history, the foundation of where we are and who I am. Knowing that specific lives, way too numerous to ever fathom, are responsible for my existence; that if one of those lives had ended before giving birth to my next ancestor I would not be, Wowwy! History astounds me. (Back on track) Speaking of our ancient ancestors and nature, I love reading of all the ways in which people respected, feared, and existed within nature before man began to conquer it. I realize that these nomadic lifestyles of simplicity and basic survival are looked on as primitive and our cultured, advanced society basks in the glow of our progress and superiority. Only step out of that superiority for one moment and ponder, how would our primitive ancestors view our landfills, what would they think about our having caused (and still causing) extinction of so many animal species, of our depleting so many natural resources, of our lack of knowledge concerning the natural world that exists outside of our cities? I don’t think they’d call us primitive, but I’m sure they’d have a few choice words for our advanced existence.
Do you ever think about it? Do you ever think about how we use nature as a resource, it’s simply a thing we can purchase, a thing we can harness, mold, bend, and manipulate into whatever suits our fancies? The planet we live on has become not as it was, a vast world that harbored our bodies and lent us its resources, but a tool for our benefit. The planet earth is now at our mercy.
I delight in visions of old, when people laid their heads to rest and the stars were their ceiling, animals existed alongside them, free, unfettered, and wild, mans transportation was in the energy their own body afforded them, food was simply a thing that nourished the body, survival was at the top of man’s agenda, but the planet hadn’t any worries. People lived to survive. That looks awfully terrifying to most in our advanced societies, but at the same time our dismal future doesn’t look very cushy either.
And God looked upon the earth, and, behold, it was corrupt; for all flesh had corrupted his way upon the earth. Gen. 6:12
Friday, January 1, 2010
1.1.2010 New Years Aspirations, Day 6
“People should not consider so much what they are to do as what they are… Thus take care that your emphasis is laid on being good and not on the number or kind of things to be done. Emphasize rather the fundamentals on which your work rests.”
- Eckhart
To many, including my husband, the symbolic beginning of a new block of time is nothing more than every other day in life. I, however, love the symbolism and always try to turn over a new leaf, as they say. The leaf I intend to turn over each and every day this year is one of simplicity. I desire to navigate the course of this year with respect to life and to love. To abandon selfishness, greed, and lust, to seek out truth, and to execute my steps with discipline; these are my aspirations. These aspirations are vague, yes, but also life changing.
“You Pharisees make the outside of the cup and dish clean, but your inward part is full of greed and wickedness.”
-Jesus
In keeping with my blog, I must add that this year I intend to focus on living life in the “being” mode of existence, while attempting to avoid the “having” mode of existence. This presents a tremendous challenge for me, it goes against all social norms, it looks rather extreme and possibly even foolish, but the very idea of it sparks something within me which feels more alive than any other attempts at living I’ve thus made (apart from the three weeks I’ve spent in Guatemala).
“Only to the extent that we decrease the mode of having…- i.e., stop finding security and identity by clinging to what we have, by “sitting on it,” by holding onto our ego and our possessions- can the mode of being emerge. “To be” requires giving up one’s egocentricity and selfishness…”
-Erich Fromm
- Eckhart
To many, including my husband, the symbolic beginning of a new block of time is nothing more than every other day in life. I, however, love the symbolism and always try to turn over a new leaf, as they say. The leaf I intend to turn over each and every day this year is one of simplicity. I desire to navigate the course of this year with respect to life and to love. To abandon selfishness, greed, and lust, to seek out truth, and to execute my steps with discipline; these are my aspirations. These aspirations are vague, yes, but also life changing.
“You Pharisees make the outside of the cup and dish clean, but your inward part is full of greed and wickedness.”
-Jesus
In keeping with my blog, I must add that this year I intend to focus on living life in the “being” mode of existence, while attempting to avoid the “having” mode of existence. This presents a tremendous challenge for me, it goes against all social norms, it looks rather extreme and possibly even foolish, but the very idea of it sparks something within me which feels more alive than any other attempts at living I’ve thus made (apart from the three weeks I’ve spent in Guatemala).
“Only to the extent that we decrease the mode of having…- i.e., stop finding security and identity by clinging to what we have, by “sitting on it,” by holding onto our ego and our possessions- can the mode of being emerge. “To be” requires giving up one’s egocentricity and selfishness…”
-Erich Fromm
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