Sticking to my guns, Day 11

In the very attempt to supress having and consuming, the person may be equally preoccupied with having and consuming.
-Erich Fromm

I've done a surprisingly good job at sticking to my guns thus far. I've been tempted by a few different items. I REALLY wanted to break down and spend money that I do not have on starbucks yesterday. But I did not and fighting the erge wasn't even difficult. I feel like I'm in a different place then ever before. I've always made these concious decisions that I am going to... But when I am faced with the task at hand I have to make the decision all over again. Usually I don't stick to the plan. I believe that I've always conciously decided I "want" to do "this" or "that" but only in my mind. My heart condition never changed. I was the same person only hoping to behave differently but with no inward change.

This time I feel like somewhere inside of me the decision was finalized so once I'm faced with the task at hand I already know what needs to be done. I don't have to try and decide right then and there when the stakes are high. I don't think I'm fighting myself this time. Instead I'm fighting a learned behavior, but I feel I have changed, inwardly, my heart has changed.

Now for the amazing outcome at my having will power for possibly the first time ever: my desires are changing. Yesterday while I was working I wanted so desperately to spend time with God. I can pray in my head while at work. But I was almost thirsty, there was this incredibly strong... it was a thirst, to just be with my Father God. Just us. If I were to walk around Meijer singing and dancing and worshiping God, I'd probably get thrown out and lose my job. I was desperate to spend time with Him. It was amazing. I'm usually desperate for a candy bar but there was nothing, NOTHING else on my mind, just God. Today was similar in that most of the day I wanted to be praying. I wanted to talk with God and listen to Him and there really wasn't anything else I desired (other than to not be working).

At present I am truly amazed at what a little discipline can do. I think I might be learning how to BE!

: )

'Take from among you an offering to the LORD. Whoever is of a willing heart, let him bring it as an offering to the LORD... Ex. 35:5