Intimacy is to Precede Fruitfulness, Day 28

I’m reluctantly and critically reading another “Christian” book right now. I was given this book by a friend and am determined to read it but I haven’t touched it for several days. Last night I forced myself to sit down with it after Jesse went to bed. I’m reading with this doubting spirit, questioning every words about 20 different ways in my head as I take each in. I can’t say that I found any error biblically. I was looking for it and waiting for it but I wasn’t seeing it. I was pushing through, staying myself; read, read, read, K..ee..p on re…ad…in…g. Oh, it was torture. THEN, all the little stories and the repetitiveness that this guy had been putting me through flowered into something wonderful. “The Great Commandment to love God and to love others is a call to intimacy; the Great Commission to go and make disciples is a call to fruitfulness. Intimacy is to precede fruitfulness. The Great Commandment is to precede the Great Commission and is an inseparable part of it.” Jack Frost

Word for word that is what I’ve been learning lately. That is exactly what God has been trying to teach me. Love first. You have to love then operate in love. I have been, 100 percent missing the love part of my faith and religion for decades. I’ve just been operating. Possibly even worse so I’ve been missing out on the love of God. Anyone could have told me this 3 weeks ago, possibly even 3 days ago, and I would have laughed in their face the most ridiculing, defensive, arrogant laugh they would have ever heard.

My sister blogged today "your treasure makes your heart and your heart makes your words and your words make your life" and I’m like YEAH!!! Practically my entire life I’ve been striving for righteousness. I’ve known for practically ever that I need to let God be the one in control BUT practically forever I’ve been trying to take over. It’s been such a struggle I’ve faced for so long. (now like a new born baby I’ve got to learn how to live a life of not being in control) Just like Starr said, I think my treasure was the righteousness and possibly even more so my treasure was me obtaining righteousness. The problem with that is, like I said before, I can’t be righteous. It’s not possible.

I’ve been trying to think of a good way to explain what I mean especially since the error wasn’t in what I was doing but in my heart condition during the process. Here’s a story. We went to Guatemala. There were many services where we taught people about God. We prayed for people with afflictions after the services. I was always so full of hope and fear when someone would approach me for prayer. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that God was capable of healing all of these people. So I would pray for them hoping, sometimes even believing, and usually I SAW nothing. Once, the speaker called me specifically to pray for a little girl with a bad leg. I had to step out infront of everyone, walk up to her at front, and I prayed over her. I was terrified that nothing would happen. And nothing happened. In my mind I thought, I didn’t have the right words, I didn’t spend enough time with God prior to this moment, I didn’t have enough faith, I should have fasted more, ect, ect, ect; Almost every thought imaginable went through my head as to what “I DID” wrong. I went back to Ron’s and lay in bed and fasted lunch. I was striving even more for that miracle. I was praying and praying and mentally beating myself. You know what I did wrong; I was trying to use MY Jesus power in order that I might heal them. I really think this is the case. I was trying SOOO hard. I was superbly Martha-ing it up. I was working, serving, trying, and controlling the situation to the extent that I don’t think I was leaving any room for Jesus.

The Great Commandment, LOVE is to precede the Great Commission. I can’t look at the stuff behind the window. There isn’t a ladder tall enough to reach it. Mary chose the one good thing. Your treasure makes your heart. It’s all falling together so beautifully. I wasn’t created to save the world. I was created to love God, and then to offer the love He extends to me to others. And that’s it.

Jesus said to him, “‘you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’
Matt 22:37-39