CHRISTMAS : ( Day 309

This Christmas shopping season is making me crazy. If for no other reason than it (the Christmas shopping season) I think maybe this blog was a bad idea. I don't want to spend money. I don't want to buy anything for anyone for any reason. The more sales I see, the more lines I pass by, the better the deals which dance before my blind eyes happen to be the more I don't want to spend money. I'm starting to feel like scrooge. I'm starting to get angry at stores that are just trying to do their job, trying to increase their revenues, trying to boost the economy. I'm starting to get angry at Christmas for obligating me to buy gifts for everyone I've ever cared for. I'm about ready to lock Jesse in a padded room just to keep his gullible little peepers away from all the flashing lights. In the past two days he's drewled over at least 4 giant TV's that we apparently need, purchased 1 video game, 1 movie (for me), and 2 television seasons that we "had to have." I'm talking life or death here. He's convinced that he needs 2 new pair of shoes, a new video gaming controller, a new video gaming controller for his friend, a countless number of games; I can't even remember it all.  BUT it's all ON SALE which apparently means who ever walks past it or sees it in a an ad "must purchase it NOW!" I want to hibernate this winter.

I LOVE giving gifts to people. I really like it when Jesse acquires things that he wants which make him happy. I imagine it's the same feeling a mother has when she gives her children gifts. But this entire season of buying gifts for people because someone (and I'm going to blame it on retail stores and government) says that you have to is pissing me off. I don't have enough money for that. Seriously there are things that I need but I'm not buying them. We don't have front porch lights... and our front steps are crumbling. It's a life threatening situation to walk up and down our front steps in the dark especially if theirs snow and I don't have the money to fix the situation BUT Christmas is here. Our garage is tipping over, literally it's falling down, slowly day by day. There's no money for garage repairs BUT Christmas is here. Our debt, which I'm proud to say has not been increasing for well over a year NEEDS to be taken care of and we don't have the money to solve that situation BUT Christmas is here. There's no savings, I use pop cans for lunch money, we eat ground chicken with either peas or corn from the frozen foods department every single night, our littlest dog which needs special food hasn't had that special food for over a week because we can't afford it right now BUT Christmas is here. I think I'm going to smash something.

I do love Christmas. I do love giving gifts. I think it's safe to say that I used to love buying gifts. But this year, Christmas arriving at the tale end of me writing a blog about not buying, about not needing, about not having, I'm losing it.